𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 ~| 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘴

Fix You

~'~

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞

                                     𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

I have never believed in 'love at first sight'.

Or love altogether.

And I fear that I am losing hope in the very essence of its existence.

It's not like I haven't tried. I've tried so hard to force myself to feel it, to believe in it. But every time I let myself get close, every time I dare to hope, it slips away like sand through my fingers.

I suppose I have grown almost resentful of the concept of love. It's a universal emotion that everyone seems to crave, that little girls dream of, that poets scribble about.

It was silly really. The notion that a girl's life could be so utterly wrapped in another that she'd forget her own form. That she'd lower herself to be a mere reflection of someone else's desires. That she'd muffle her own voice just to echo his.

But that's what they wrote in the books, didn't they? Love makes you do crazy things. Love heals all wounds. Love conquers all.

If only that were true.

I had watched my sisters and my friends succumb to the whims of love, transforming into these... shells of themselves, all for a fleeting feeling that seemed to bring them more pain than joy. And yet I envied them, not because I wanted to experience the pain, but because they felt something. Anything.

The pressure from my family was a heavy weight on my shoulders. My parents had expectations that seemed to multiply like rabbits every time they saw me. They spoke of grandchildren and a stable life with a partner, as if these things were as simple as choosing a new dress for a night out. But for me, the thought of settling down, of becoming someone's "other half," was as terrifying as stepping off a cliff blindfolded.

Besides, men tend to treat women like objects to be won or lost as if our worth is measured by the number of hearts we can capture. Men will always want to own you, to put you on a pedestal, only to watch you fall when you don't live up to their unrealistic standards.

But at least I'm keeping an open mind, right?

Welcome to my brain, my life, my hell.

Now that I think about it, maybe I was the problem. Maybe I was just... not enough. Not enough for anyone to love, not enough to be worthy of someone's affection.

Let's not go down that road.

Around a year ago, my parents, especially my mother, had begun to drop hints as subtle as a sledgehammer.