𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 ~| 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘴

Mess It Up

~'~

𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 "𝐈'𝐦 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞", 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡?

'𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞, 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐩

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

He had promised.

Promised.

The highway stretched endlessly in front of me, red tail lights smearing into the dark, as if the world itself couldn't focus anymore. I had no idea where I was going, but the wheels kept moving beneath me. My hands gripped the steering wheel too tightly, my knuckles pale.

My breathing felt too loud in the silence of the car, and I hated it, hated the way it echoed in the empty space he used to fill. The car hummed around me. My fingers tapped against the leather of the steering wheel.

She kissed him. Her lips were on his.

And I saw it.

I didn't wait long enough to see the rest because what more was there to see? What else did I need to see? It was real, there, clear as day. The next intersection blurred into the one after it. Headlights smeared like a bad memory.

Maybe this wasn't safe, but I didn't care. I felt too much. The seat belt bit into my collarbone every time I braked hard, and part of me hoped it'd snap, rip me in two, maybe make me feel anything that wasn't this.

God, I wanted to know when it started.

When he stopped being mine. When "only you" became a meaningless phrase, a thing people say to stop you from asking what they don't want to answer.

The world kept looking beautiful while everything inside me twisted into something ugly. My fingers pressed harder into the steering wheel, and I realized my thumb was brushing the grooves over and over. My thoughts chased themselves in circles until I was dizzy.

When did it break? Was it me? Did I ask too much?

He said no one else, and he said it like it mattered, and I believed him like a fool, like someone who thought promises were unbreakable if you loved someone enough. But love can't hold up a roof when the foundation crumbles.

I couldn't drive forever, even if it felt like it might be easier.

I didn't understand it. How he could make me feel like the only person in the room, hell, the only person alive, and then rip it away in the same breath. Like love was a glass shard pressed between two hands. You couldn't hold it without bleeding, but you couldn't let it go either, not if you wanted to keep feeling alive.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

The word beat like a drum in my head, sharp and repetitive, the ache with no rhythm, no mercy. I blinked hard, but my eyes stayed dry, burning instead with the kind of tears that didn't dare fall.

Mine. My Ren.

But wasn't that a lie now?

My hands wouldn't stop moving, fingers restless on the steering wheel, tracing the same invisible path over and over. The hum of the engine felt far away, like white noise against the roar of my thoughts. The dashboard lights cast a dim glow, but all I could see were their faces. Her lips. Hers. The way my heart had snapped like a brittle twig underfoot.