Haylee's POV
The sunlight streaming in woke me up. I looked around, trying to find Dan. He'd been here last night but now he was gone. My sense of safety had gone with him. I felt like someone had opened a giant hole in my chest and it was drowning me. I had an overwhelming sense of sadness and sorrow and I needed Dan. As I climbed out of my bed, I could feel my panic rising. Clutching my hands to my chest, I slowly made my way to the living room, hoping Dan was there.
He was playing a game on the Xbox with Phil when I walked in. "Dan..?" I called weakly. He paused the game and looked over at me.
"Oh hey Haylee! Wait, what's wrong?!" He asked, jumping up and running over to me.
"Panic attack." I whispered. "I woke up and you were gone." Dan pulled me in for a hug.
"It's alright love. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." He assured me. I just let out a whimper and started to cry. Dan picked me up without another word and carried me to his room. He laid me on the bed and climbed in next to me. I scooted over so that my head was on his lap, the duvet falling around me. He gently rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. His touch made the hole in my chest not so large, but it didn't disappear completely. It seemed to take the sting away and for now, that was all I needed. My heart began to return to normal and my hands weren't shaking as much. "Are you alright, Hays?"
"I will be. I'm starting to calm down." I told him. "Dan I think my attacks are getting worse. I'm getting to the point where I can't even be around Chassidy or Phil without panicking." I sighed and wiped my eyes.
I repositioned so that I was sitting up, leaning against Dan with my head resting on his shoulder. "Love, I know what you're going through, not with the panic attacks, but with the depression. I used to get it a lot and I sometimes still do. I've learned to deal with it to the point where I don't feel the need to tell anyone now as its manageable and I'm happy with myself and my life." He began. "It's understandable and I want to help you as much as I can. Now, about the panic thing, I don't know much about it or how you feel during it, but I feel as though it could be linked to your depression."
"What can I do?" I asked, staring up at him.
"Well, I want to see if maybe you can overcome this panicking without needing medication. If you're feeling up for it, Phil's parents are coming over in a bit and then Phil and his parents were going out to eat but he'd wanted Chassidy and you and I to go. Do you feel like you'd be up to it?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'll try. You'll be right there with me?" Dan nodded and kissed my cheek.
"I promise. Now, why don't you go get ready, hmm?" He suggested. I grinned and darted to my room, but not before Phil saw me and waved me into the lounge.
"Haylee! Say hi to my parents!" Phil called.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Lester. I believe we met at Christmas." I stuttered.
"Yes, we did!" Mrs. Lester smiled. "How are you doing?"
"I'm, um, alright. Dan and Phil make sure of that. They're great." I mentally smacked myself for sounding so stupid. "If you don't mind, I, um, need to go finish up some things before lunch."
"That's fine dear!" She laughed. "We'll see you soon then." I nodded and gave a small wave before sprinting to the bathroom to throw up. Dan appeared a moment later and held my hair back, gently rubbing my back and talking softly.
I stood up and rinsed my mouth out before falling into Dan's arms, sobbing. "I can't do this, Dan! I can't even talk to Phil's parents in our own house without freaking out to the point of throwing up! How am I going to be in a restaurant full of people?!"
Dan hugged me tighter and kissed the top of my head. "Hey, hey, now. Dry your eyes, love. It's going to be okay. You can do it, alright. You'll have Chassidy and Phil and I right there with you. I promise, okay? And if you start to freak out, squeeze my hand and I'll make up an excuse to get us out of there." He assured me.
I looked up, doubtful. "You promise?" He nodded and kissed me gently on the lips. My mouth parted slightly, allowing him to slip a bit of tongue in, deepening the kiss. I reciprocated his move, pressing him to the wall. We stayed like this until I felt the air running out and I broke the kiss. We pressed our foreheads together, both panting heavily. "I love you, Dan Howell."
"And I love you too, Haylee Wright."
