Dan's POV
I jumped up out of my chair, apologising profusely as I ran out of the restaurant. "Haylee!" I yelled, trying to find her. "Haylee!"
The sound of crying alerted me to her presence in the alleyway. "Oh, love..." I gently picked her up and held her close. Her entire body shook, both from fear and from her crying. "Lets go home." I carried her to the car and drove back to the flat. I pulled out my phone and dialled Phil's number. "Phil, it's Dan. I've got Haylee and we're back at the apartment."
"Alright, do we need to come home?" He asked.
"No, no, you two stay there. No sense in letting us ruin your family dinner. I can take care of Haylee." I assured him.
"Okay, we'll try to not be too long in case you need us. Tell Haylee my mum sends her love." He replied. I told him I would and hung up. Slipping my phone back in my pocket, I headed into Haylee's room. She was curled up in a little ball in the centre of her bed. I sat down beside her and placed my hand on her side. She flinched and I pulled back.
"Love? What happened?" I asked, brushing a strand of hair from her face. She didn't answer, her only movement being the shaking of her body. "Sweetheart, talk to me, please?"
"I can't - I can't breathe..." She whispered. I knew it was a part of her panic attack. "Dan..."
"Easy, darling, easy. Sit up and take slow, deep breaths, okay?" I instructed. She nodded and sat up slowly. She nearly fell over and I held her up, leaning her against me. I rubbed small circles on her back and whispered quietly, trying to keep her calm. Her breathing steadied, but I could still feel her shaking. "Now, do you wanna talk about what happened? You're shaking like a leaf!" Haylee shook her head and broke out of my grasp.
"I-I'm going to, um, get changed..." She whispered, staring at the floor. I nodded and agreed to do the same, wondering if it was safe to leave her for the moment. I'd done some reading and it seemed she was developing agoraphobia, or the fear or panic attacks in public. She'd either consciously or subconsciously picked me as her safe person and I knew that meant I needed to be with her in social situations, but I didn't know if it made a difference at home. I just had to hope for the best.
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Haylee's POV
My heart was still pounding and while my breathing had become normal, it was the only thing that was. I was dizzy, but I didn't tell Dan. It was another symptom of the panic attacks and it wasn't worth mentioning.
Dan had gone to get changed after I'd told him I was going to as well but I really had no motivation to do anything. Grabbing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt Dan had given me, I entered my bathroom and changed quickly. I pulled my hair back out of my face into a ponytail, the fringe falling into my eyes. I fastened it back with a clip and sighed. I braced myself against the counter, feeling as though I might fall at any given moment. I sank to the floor and let the tears loose once again as I pulled the blade from my drawer. I shook at the thought of the pain again, but I knew I wanted to feel it. Taking a deep breath, I brought the blade to my arm just three inches from my wrist. I yanked it fiercely across, cutting deeper than I had before. There was no slow, painful cutting this time. It was all just anger and sorrow and wanting desperately to feel again. I pulled the blade across again and again, watching as the blood began to pool and trickle down my arm. Sighing in relief, I washed the blade off and tucked it back in the drawer. I grabbed a hoodie I'd brought in with me and pulled it on, making sure to cover my arm. When I got back to my bed, Dan was already sitting there waiting on me.
"Hi." I whispered. I crawled into the bed and curled up against him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. I sucked in a breath when his hand brushed over my cuts. He didn't seem to notice and I let out a sigh of relief, thankful he hadn't noticed. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but it seemed impossible.
"Haylee, please. Tell me what happened, darling." Dan whispered, sounding worried. I sighed.
"Two girls were in the bathroom when I was there and they saw my cuts and started teasing me about them." I explained.
"Oh love, you should've told me sooner! I would've done something!" He gasped.
I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "That's exactly why I didn't. I need to learn to fight my own battles, Dan. There are times when you won't always be with me and I have to learn how to handle things like that."
"Hays, you shouldn't have to deal with that at all! It's wrong!" He growled. I knew he was getting angry and I needed him to calm down or it was going to set off another of my attacks again.
"Dan," I began. "Please calm down. You getting upset will only make it worse." He paused for a moment, then realised what I meant.
"I'm sorry love. I forgot about your attacks. Are you okay?" He whispered. I spun to face him and nodded. Suddenly a pain in my arm made me wince; I realised my sleeve was stuck to my cuts. "Hays?"
"Dan, I'm so sorry! I cut again." I whispered, yanking my sleeve up. Blood coated my arm and I heard Dan gasp. Swiftly, he dashed to the bathroom and returned a moment later with the first aid kit. He washed off my arm and disinfected it before bandaging it up. He kissed the bandages and looked up at me.
"Please don't do that anymore. I love you so much and it hurts me to see you like this." He whispered. The front door closing startled both of us and we decided to see what was going on. Phil and Chassidy had gotten back, Phil's parents right behind them.
"My mum wanted to make sure you were okay." Phil explained. We gathered in the lounge and all talked for a while, the conversation light and fun. Dan was next to me the entire time, holding my hand. I felt safe.
