billie eilish mental health imagines

my guardian angel

part two to heaven-bound

"b-billie." i spoke, my voice shaking.

i'd recognise those ocean eyes anywhere, we had been best friends a long time ago but drift when i moved a few blocks away.

she lifted her eyebrows, clearly confused as to what was happening when she'd only offered her name as a sort of comfort.

"it's m-me, y/n." i stuttered.

does she remember me?
does she know who i am?

it took billie a few moments as she allowed the fresh information to sink in before i saw the lightbulb go off in her head.

"y/n? baby, what are you doing here?" she questioned, a mixture of sadness and worry lacing her voice.

i allowed my head to drop in embarrassment, fearful that she might just walk away from me now she knew who i was.

"hey, no. don't be embarrassed, whatever's going on up here is nothing to be ashamed of." she spoke, tapping my head lightly.

she doesn't get it.
i'm not ashamed.
i want to fly!
i always have!
i just wish i hadn't failed.
it should've worked!
i did everything right!

"y/n?" billie questioned, her smile faltering.

i nodded slowly, unsure of what i was agreeing to but hoping that i would be doing anything detrimental to my plans.

"i was asking why you came here." she explained.

why i came here?
why i came here?
why did i come here?

i look at her and then at the scenery behind her, confused as to the events that led up to me being here.

squeezing my eyes tightly shut, i tried my best to force my brain to remember the events that led up to today.

i genuinely haven't felt better in the whole of my life than i have since i stopped taking those stupid pills.

yeah, maybe they're prescribed and given to me for a 'reason' but i don't wanna take them anymore.

i'm so tired of having to put my hand up to my face every day to swallow something that i don't even know what it's for.

but everyone else seems to think that i need to take them, that i somehow need to rely on a small little shitty thing to survive.

"y/n can you please take this." my mom asked for the seventh time.

however my answer was always bound to be the same, my head shaking from side to side to show my disapproval.

"please honey, you need them." she begged.

yet my answer was still the same, a shake of my head and then the firm silent treatment.

i didn't understand why she was making take pills that i knew weren't helping me, unless she was trying to poison me and it was all part of her plan.

"look y/n, i'm not going to stand here all to get you take them, either you take them yourself or i'm going to have to pin you down." she sighed.

suddenly i felt my body jolt forward, a wave of reality washing over me which forced me into a state of panic.

i scanned the scenery around me, hoping to find some clues as to why i was now in the middle of nowhere and why billie was here.