billie eilish mental health imagines

heaven-bound⚠️

i feel good!

i feel so much better!

no honestly, i genuinely haven't felt better in the whole of my life than i have since i stopped taking those stupid pills.

they said people on pills don't go to heaven..
that's where i want to go!

yeah, maybe they're prescribed and given to me for a 'reason' but i don't wanna take them anymore.

i'm so tired of having to put my hand up to my face every day to swallow something that i don't even know what it's for.

i only know that it's going to stop me from achieving life's goal.

but everyone else seems to think that i need to take them, that i somehow need to rely on a small little shitty thing to survive.

"y/n can you please take this." my mom asked for the seventh time.

however my answer was always bound to be the same, my head shaking from side to side to show my disapproval.

i want to go to heaven!

"please honey, you need them." she begged.

yet my answer was still the same, a shake of my head and then the firm silent treatment.

i need to go!
then everyone will be free...

i didn't understand why she was making take pills that i knew weren't helping me, unless she was trying to poison me and it was all part of her plan.

"look y/n, i'm not going to stand here all to get you take them, either you take them yourself or i'm going to have to pin you down." she sighed.

she can't stop me!

i could feel my attention slowly drawing away from her and onto the cat that was jumping off of the wall outside.

i wish i could be like them!
that's how i can get to heaven!
i want to jump!
i want to fly!

without even thinking about what i was doing, i ran downstairs and headed out of the house to find something that would replicate the wall.

"where are you going now?!" i heard mom call after me.

maybe a bigger wall?
a building?
maybe even a cliff?

my legs raced down the street as my eyes forced me to scan every single detail of my surrounding area as cars raced past me.

what if i just jumped infront of one?
would it kill me?
would it hurt?
would i get there?

however, i didn't have chance to digest my thoughts and my body continued to carry me down multiple different avenues.

maybe that would work?
or that?
no...
definitely that!

my body came to a halt at the edge of a bridge that seemed like it was going to be high enough to jump from without causing any major damage.

i didn't wait around, hoping and praying that the freeing feeling would be satisfied if i could just freefall into the water below.

i wonder what it feels like.
will it be cold? maybe warm?
the breath of fresh air i'll feel after hitting the water...
i can't wait!

i moved myself towards the edge, gripping tightly onto the railings that were already beginning to rust a little.

what would it feel like if i just fell?
the rush of adrenaline...
the fear that would cause my stomach to drop...
i want to experience it all!