Bandom One-shots book 3

No Love In Korea? (Eddie Van Halen x David Lee Roth)

It was February 14th, 1978, and despite the fact that it was Valentine's Day, there wasn't a rose or a heart-shaped anything in sight in the studio. That's just how it was with me and Dave. We didn't need the cheesy crap that everyone else was doing. Sure, we loved each other, but our love was a lot more... practical. A little dirtier, a lot louder, and way more fun.

Valentine's Day? Pfft. Who cared? It was just another day to mess around and make music.

The band was all gathered in the studio, working on the new album, but it was a lot more playing around than actual work—and honestly, that's how we preferred it. We were in the zone, throwing down ideas, having a good time. But Dave? He wasn't exactly sticking to the script.

"Alright, let's take it from the top," I said, strumming my guitar and nodding to Alex to give us a beat.

The opening chords of Runnin' with the Devil rang out through the speakers, and the sound was perfect. Just the right amount of crunch and attitude. We were about to launch into the iconic riff when I saw Dave standing there, all casual in his leather jacket, ready to go. He winked at me, all cocky and full of that Dave Lee Roth swagger. And I knew, I knew, he was gonna pull something.

As soon as the track hit, Dave grabbed the mic. I could see his lips curling into a grin as he did that thing where he'd stretch out the first note like he was a damn opera singer.

"I got no love, no love in Korea!" he belted out.

I froze, fingers stilling on the strings. What the hell did he just say?

"What the hell did you just say?" I blurted out, trying not to laugh but failing miserably. Dave's face was already twisted into a smile, barely containing the ridiculousness of it all.

He kept singing, totally ignoring me. "No love in Korea, just a doggone rock and roll dream..."

I couldn't help it. I broke out into laughter, and I could hear Alex in the background snickering too. Dave was totally trolling me—he knew how hard it was for me to keep my cool when he did this shit.

"Oh, that's it," I said, shaking my head, still strumming the opening riff. "You've gotta be kidding me. No love in Korea? Really, Dave?"

Dave didn't miss a beat. "I got no love, no love in Korea!" he repeated, louder this time, almost cackling into the mic. "Maybe that's why I'm so bad at relationships, huh? It's all Korea's fault!"

By now, I was doubled over in laughter, barely able to keep playing. I could hear Dave's laugh coming through the mic, and it was infectious—like a damn disease. He just had that laugh that could crack you up without even trying. And the more I tried to stay serious, the more I lost it.

"Dave, stop! I'm trying to play here!" I said through gritted teeth, but the words barely came out between the laughs.

"No love in Korea, Eddie! No love in Korea!" Dave sang again, doing this weird little shimmy in place like he was putting on a Broadway show.

I could feel my sides starting to hurt from laughing. This was insane. We were supposed to be recording one of the heaviest, most badass tracks on the album, and here Dave was—no love in Korea—just throwing off all the serious vibes like it was nothing.

"Dave, babe, seriously!" I said, wiping a tear from my eye. "Can we please get through this? I can't take you seriously with that line!"

Dave threw me a mock innocent look, doing his best to keep a straight face while clearly failing. "What?" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I thought we were going for real authenticity here. I'm just being honest!"

"Yeah, right," I muttered, still laughing. "'No love in Korea.' What are you, a 60's rock singer?"

"I'm ahead of my time, dear," Dave shot back, his voice still filled with mischief. "You gotta learn to expand your horizons. No love in Korea! Maybe next time, we'll do No Love in Cleveland—there's a whole list!"

By this point, I couldn't even play anymore. I was just watching him perform, totally breaking down. Dave had this incredible ability to make even the most serious moment in the studio feel like a comedy show.

"You're unbelievable," I said, still gasping for air. "I swear, if we don't make it through this song, I'm blaming you. Blaming you for every lyric you mess up."

"Oh, doll, I don't mess up the lyrics," Dave said, shaking his head like I was the one who didn't understand. "I'm reinterpreting them. Making them better. Adding flavor."

"Yeah, flavor," I deadpanned, finally catching my breath. "I think you're adding something, alright, but it sure as hell isn't flavor."

"Padded bras and no love in Korea," Dave said, dramatically waving his hands in the air as he sang. "No love in Korea, baby! And a damn good time!"

I was done for. I threw my hands up in the air, laughing so hard I almost choked on my own breath.

"Alright, alright," I said, shaking my head as I wiped my eyes. "Let's get this over with. No more messing around. I swear to god, Dave, we're gonna be here all night if you keep doing this."

Dave stepped back, a grin still plastered across his face, and gave me a wink. "I'm serious this time, doll. No more love in Korea. I promise."

Of course, the moment he grabbed the mic again, he slipped into the same ridiculous routine.

"I got no love, no love in Korea!" he sang again, this time making a dramatic jazz hands gesture.

I could feel my cheeks hurting from all the laughter, but somehow, I managed to keep it together. "Alright, that's it!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in mock frustration. "We're recording a goddamn comedy album instead of a rock album if you keep this up!"

Dave was in tears by this point, the sound of his laugh filling the whole room, and I couldn't help but join him.

"No love in Korea, Ed. You gotta admit, it's a great line." Dave grinned, his chest heaving with laughter. "Who else can come up with that?"

I shook my head, still chuckling. "You, Dave. Only you."

By the time we finally wrapped up the take—after about a dozen more mess-ups and a few more ridiculous lyrics—our producer was standing there, shaking his head, his face buried in his hands. But I knew, even through all the madness, that it was going to be one of the best damn records we ever made.

That was how we worked: laughter, chaos, and one hell of a good time. No need for flowers or chocolates when you had this much fun just messing around.

~No Love In Korea?~