Bandom One-shots book 3

The Couch Incident (Duzzy)

Steven's POV

We were just showing up for rehearsal. That's it. Normal day. Normal plan.

Axl had keys, Slash brought donuts (for himself), and I brought drumsticks I'd probably end up using to eat cheese later. I was in a good mood. The sun was out. The van didn't smell like old socks for once. Nothing could go wrong.

Until—

"AH—DUFF—fuck—"

We froze halfway through the front door.

It hit us in waves.

First: the noise.
Second: the visual.

There, in all his blonde glory, was Duff, completely, fully, naked, on top of Izzy, also entirely naked, both of them mid-motion on the living room couch like some kind of damn rock 'n' roll porno.
There were clothes everywhere. Boots on the lamp. A sock on the ceiling fan. A bra for some reason. I don't even think they own a bra.

And that couch? It was screaming. Creaking like it had just been told it would be working overtime in a sawmill.

Slash dropped his donut.

Axl blinked like he was trying to reset his brain.

And me?

I screamed. Like, loudly.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Duff jerked up so fast he fell off the couch, ass hitting the floor with a dull thud and a strangled "Shit!"
Izzy sat up, hair destroyed, face flushed, panting like he'd just run a marathon with his legs wrapped around a bass player.

"Guys—fuck—" Duff scrambled for a pillow. A damn throw pillow. Like that would help.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR US COME IN?!" Axl shouted, equal parts horrified and impressed.

Izzy, looking like death warmed over in the best way, grunted, "Obviously not."

Slash covered his eyes. "I need bleach. For my retinas."

I couldn't stop laughing. I was gagging and laughing and also maybe dying.

"ON THE COUCH? WHERE WE SIT? DUDE, I NAP THERE!"

Duff, wrapped in a blanket now like some shameful Greek god, said, "You weren't supposed to be here until five!"

Axl checked his watch. "It is five."

Izzy just pulled the blanket over his face and muttered something that might've been "kill me now."

Eventually we all just sat outside on the porch while Duff cleaned the couch and Izzy smoked half a pack of cigarettes in total silence.

"Next time," Axl muttered, "at least have the decency to put on some music so we don't have to hear you breaking furniture with your love thrusts."

Duff flipped him off through the window.
Izzy flicked ash at him.

Me? I'm buying a new couch. I don't care whose house it is.