Gold Rush

too bleeding late

͙⁺˚* ✫ Johnny ✫ ͙⁺˚*

"Do we let go, are we too far gone, I don't know where we started"

April 8, 2005

I was really trying to hide my irritation but it was pretty much fucking impossible. Not only was I unable to play rugby, workout or really do anything, I was also stuck replaying Grace rejecting my ass on the twins birthday.

I probably should've seen it coming—or at least realized I deserved it—considering all the shit I'd done to her over the years. I'd rejected her more times than I could count and yet here I was whining like a baby over it.

"Stop moping," Gibsie threw an eraser at my head. "It doesn't suit you."

"I'm not moping," I lied, spinning in my desk chair to glare at him.

"Oh, so we're lying today," he chuckled.

I released a frustrated breath. He didn't understand that my frustration was a lot more than I was letting on. I pretty much had no clue what to do with myself. I had physio and OT sessions that I attended, but I was used to having a jam-packed schedule and without that, I was losing my damn mind.

I had also received a huge ass-whooping, via phone, from my coaches at the Academy for putting my body at risk the way I had. My doctors and coaches didn't trust me anymore, and I knew that it would be a very long time before they would again.

On the bright side, my body was feeling better than it had in months. I could move a lot more freely and the bruising and swelling in my groin was fading away. I hadn't dared to try the whole pulling on my dick thing because I was traumatized from the last time, but the morning hard-ons I was graced with didn't cause me any discomfort.

"I'm not bleeding lying," I snapped, losing my head quickly.

"That's lying, Kav," he laughed. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Nothing!"

"Is this about Grace? Did something happen?" He eyed me suspiciously, "did she try to pull on your dick? Did it explode? Did she break it?"

"She didn't touch my dick! For fucks sake, Gibs, would you give it a rest?"

"Ahh, so that's why you're mad! You wanted her to touch your dick and she didn't," he nodded.

"Jesus Christ," I groaned. "Would you mind shutting up?!"

"Relax," he laughed. "You know I'm only messing, she'd obviously pull your dick if you asked."

I sighed and shook my head. Sometimes I couldn't believe that this was the fucker I chose to be my best friend.

"She wouldn't," I huffed.

Gibsie shot me a look of confusion before realization washed over his features, "oh so that's why you're upset. You told Grace how you feel and she rejected you! God, I would've loved to see that."

I glared at him and he gave me a sheepish grin. That was exactly what had happened. I was too fucking late. She'd spent the past five years loving the shit out of me and I'd brushed past it.

I was stupid enough to shove my feelings so far down that I didn't even believe I liked her.
And of course now that I finally figured it out, she was off with someone else. She was happy, and I was too late.

I mean shit, how the hell hadn't I noticed sooner?

She was a fucking masterpiece.
Her amber eyes were like nothing I'd ever seen before, the way they lit up when she smiled and fuck, her smile was the best thing I'd ever seen. It was like someone had cast a spell on me because all my feelings for her had hit me like a head on collision.

A part of me felt like I must be suffering from a traumatic brain injury because how had I flipped this fast.

When she was yelling at me the other night, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss her. She looked so beautiful, standing there with rain soaked hair. Even with anger etched on her face she was like a breath of fresh air.

"Oh no, Johnny," Gibsie shook his head. "You love her, don't you? You're thinking about her right now! You're absolutely pussy whipped."

"I am not!" I lied, trying to come across like I wasn't losing my fucking mind.

"Oh, lad, you are absolutely fucked," he laughed.

"Why's he fucked?" Declan asked from the doorway of my bedroom.

"I'm not," I shot Gibsie a glare.

"He loves Grace," he blurted out, not picking up on my signals.

"Holy shite," Declan's eyes widened and he closed the door behind him. "You actually love her? That wasn't just the anesthesia talking?"

"No, he's absolutely in love."

"Pack it in," I demanded. I didn't want to talk about this anymore, it wasn't doing me any good.

"Well, shite, Johnny boy," Declan sighed. "You've really fucked this one up. She's quite happy with Theo, and I really like the lad."

"Wow, Deccy, are you saying you're team Theo?" Gibsie gasped in horror.

"I'm team no one," he shrugged. "How about we let the girl decide."

"Since when do you stand up for Grace?"

"Since she's like family. She might annoy the shite out of me but I can respect her, and in case you've forgotten," Declan looked between us, "she comes to me about her boy problems. I happen to know a lot."

"Perfect!" Gibsie giggled—yes actually fucking giggled—"You can let us in on her thoughts."

Declan scoffed, "I'll be doing no such thing. She tells me in confidence."

"Not fair!" Gibsie whined.

"I can tell you this," he offered. "She really wants to do the right thing. So, maybe think about that before you go bulldozing."

Too late.

I released a frustrated groan and attempted to shove all these thoughts out of my head. It wasn't a good thing to dwell on.

Considering it was too fucking late for me.
I'd gone and fucked it all up.
Again.