Gold Rush

promises to break

͙⁺˚* ✫ Johnny ✫ ͙⁺˚*

April 23, 2005

Since kicking my crutches to the curb and becoming very busy with Gracie, I hadn't had time to dwell on missing rugby.

I mean, the thought was always in my mind. A steady buzz reminding me that I'd been off for nearly a month. A part of me was concerned that'd I'd lose my talent, my skill would somehow diminish with each passing day. I had been keeping up with PT and OT, hence being cleared to wank amongst other things.

Other things that I was thoroughly enjoying.

Grace was curled up under my arm with her head resting on my chest. I was surprised by how cuddly the girl was. She had a hard exterior, but deep down she was soft. After every round of sex we did the same thing.

Clean up, turn on a film and cuddle. It was a simple act, one I'm sure many couples did, but it felt special. My heart was in the palm of her hands and as frightening as that was, it was also exhilarating.

"My legs feel like jello," she chuckled, her hand strategically resting on my abs. "I mean, Jesus, you'll have me bed bound if we keep going at this pace."

"If you can't handle it, we can stop," I offered.

"Don't say that!" She gasped. "I'm just saying you should put in more effort. A girl likes to be a pillow princess every once in a while."

"Baby, you did nothing but lay there last time."

"Was that a complaint, Jonathan?"

"No!" I shook my head. "No complaints there."

"I didn't think so," she giggled, throwing her leg over mine.

I brushed the hair from her face, my eyes moving to the scar on her cheekbone. The very one that had caused an argument between us in the past.

"Gracie," I breathed. "I feel like it's time we talk."

Her breath hitched and all the muscles in her body tensed. "About what?"

"You know what," I replied. "Someone's hurting you."

I closed my eyes, begging her not to run.

"It's out of your hands, Johnny." Her words came out a whisper, as if she was trying to lessen the weight of them.

But it was no use. They landed on my chest like a bowling ball, knocking the wind out of me.

"Just tell me what's going on?" I pleaded, sitting upright. "Is it your dad?"

"Yes," she mumbled. "But I don't want you to do anything. I don't want you to try and fix it or save me or whatever the hell you're planning to do." Her words came out at a rapid pace, "I know you'll try, and I know things could get better, hell look at Shannon. I just..."

She inhaled a deep breath, pushing off my chest to face me.

"I just don't need that. I'm used to my life, I've made peace with it and I don't need you screwing it all up. I don't need you to be my saving grace, no pun intended," she chuckled but it was hollow, forced even.

"I don't understand," I blurted out. "You want me to just let you get hurt? Why would you want that, Gracie? Why?"

"Because, Johnny, I don't want to go to court, I don't want to speak to Gard's, I just want to live my life," she snapped. "I don't expect you to understand, and that's fine but I do expect you to listen to me."

"I can't let you get hurt!"

"He doesn't usually hit me," she said quietly. "It's usually just getting tossed around."

"And the scar on your cheek?"

"Collateral damage," she shrugged. "A peice of glass hit my face, it was nothing."

Collateral damage? She was causing me collateral damage. The words she was saying weren't making any sense to me, each one hurting my heart more than the last.

"Just please, Johnny, promise me you won't tell." She begged, a strange sense of vulnerability washing over her. "My brother will be out of jail soon, with him home things will get better."

"Your brother's in jail?"

I knew she had a brother but she'd said he'd moved to America to focus on his budding career in music. Obviously that was one of her lies, there was clearly a web of them—one I was getting caught in.

"Yeah, it's no big deal, really. It was just a little grand theft auto," she shrugged. "You play the video game, it's no harm."

Jail?
Grand theft auto?

I didn't know what to make of all this, it felt like she was living some sort of secret life.

"Gracie," I dragged in a breath. "This is... a lot. I think maybe you should tell someone."

"I think you have no idea what you're talking about," she shot back. "I don't want this to be a big deal."

"It is a big deal."

"Can you just promise not to tell?" She sighed, her voice sounding fearful.

I paused, unsure of what to say. How could I promise something like this? I couldn't sit back and watch this happen. I couldn't live knowing every time she went home she'd get hurt. But I also wanted to respect her wishes, I wanted her to be happy.

"Please, Johnny," a lone tear trailed down her cheek.

And that's when I gave in, I pulled her to my chest, holding her there while my stomach churned.

"Yeah, I promise," I forced out, even though I knew I'd break that promise.

It wasn't one I could keep.
Not while her father was still breathing.