Gold Rush

power trip

:* ୨୧ Gracelyn ୨୧ :*

February 28, 2005

"Gracelyn, where have you been?" My mother was instantly on my ass the second I walked in the door.

"Hmm, let's see it's a Monday at half four," I mentally rolled my eyes, "I'd guess I'd been at school."

"No need to catch an attitude. All I did was ask."

"Which is strange since half the time you couldn't care less about where I am," I shot back, sinking into a seat at the kitchen table.

"That's no way to speak to your mother," She frowned, pouring another glass of wine.

"Oh, so today you're my mother?" I let out a strangled laugh, "And I'm guessing tomorrow I'll be a stranger and the next day I'll be the person you hate most."

"Gracelyn, don't talk to your mother like that," My dad's voice had me frozen, "She raised you, ya little shit."

"I didn't ask to be born," I hissed, trying to mask my fear with anger, "Especially not into this fucked up family."

It was the truth. To any bystanders we might seem like a typical middle class family. My mam was a school receptionist and my dad was in construction.

But what they didn't see was my father's temper and my mother's ability to change personalities at the snap of a finger. It was like walking into a different family everyday and I was sick of it.

"Be grateful we didn't give you up for adoption," My father sneered.

"I'd probably have been better off," I snapped, "The pair of you are both fucked in the head."

"Gracelyn!" My mam gasped.

"You're acting like a real snob," Da scoffed, "Hanging about those posh friends of yours is doing you no good."

"How is Addy these days?" Mam asked, switching attitudes again.

"Like you care," I snorted.

"She asked you a question, Grace," Dad taunted.

"She's fine! She actually lives a normal fucking life, so she's grand! Amazing, actually!" I practically screamed, "So, would you both just fuck off!"

"You better watch it," My father, grabbed my arm forcefully making my confident demeanour slip.

I was really good at acting like nothing bothered me. I didn't talk about my family or anything related to home and that's how I liked it. Even, Adeline had no idea just how bad it was at home.

Because I refused to tell her.

Her life was almost so perfect it wasn't fair. Her parents were amazing and loving, she was so fucking nice and her brothers were like her own personal security guards.

My brother was in jail.
And had been for about a year now.

Which was again something nearly no one knew.

I tried not to be jealous of Addy, but sometimes it was hard. As much as I loved the girl she was easy to be envious over.

I was extremely grateful for her, she never said no to me coming over and she had no problem with me showing up at any hour of the day. She was an angel and I planned to keep her as my best friend for the rest of my life.

"Or what?" I forced out, refusing to let him control me.

"You talk a big game, Gracelyn, but you aren't going to keep snapping at us like this," Dad snapped, shoving me against the wall, so hard the  air was knocked from my lungs.

It was a classic move. He'd never actually hit me, but he pushed me and threw things at me to create fear. It was like he needed to have power over my mam and I.

But to me that wasn't the worst part.
The worst part was my mam stood by and watched it happen. She never spoke up for me, or herself.

Releasing a strangled cough, I looked into his dead eyes and glared, "Push me around all you want, dad. I'll never stop fighting back."

"I'm not scared of you, girl," He snickered, "Now, head on up to your room."

"Really?!" I laughed manically, "I'm being banished to my room?" I looked to my mam, "And you're just going to sit here and get wine drunk while he does this?"

She didn't respond, she just downed the rest of her glass and stared at me with emotionless eyes.

"I hate you both," I screamed, storming off towards my room.

And the saddest part was I meant those words with my entire being.

To me they were nothing more than blood. Because the Kavanagh's were my real family.

I slammed my bedroom door shut so hard, the walls shook and then I grabbed the vase off my desk and hurled it at the wall.

Because life wasn't fair.

I stared at the broken glass on the floor but made no effort to clean it up, in hopes either of my parents would step on it. But I knew they wouldn't, because they would never bother to come check on me.

I then climbed into my bed and pulled the bottle of vodka out of my bedside table.

I guess people would classify me as having a drinking problem but I didn't see it that way. I only drank alone when I was at home.

Just to try and numb the pain of having a family that hates me.

I tilted the bottle back and chugged the contents until my stomach churned. I wanted to stop my brain from spinning and I wanted to be okay.

I knew by the end of the night I'd be on a bus to the Kavanagh's because that's how everyday went for me. I took shelter there, in both Addy and her older brother.

It hurt me that no one understood my love for Johnny. Sure, it was pathetic and embarrassing but he made me feel safe. Because I knew that even if he didn't love me back, he'd still protect me.

And sometimes that was my only comfort.

Even if he didn't know it.

I seriously needed that boy to get me through the day.

———————————————————

okay dropping some gracelyn lore for you guys....

i love you all so much, seriously

xoxo

-Freyja