Gold Rush

new found feelings

͙⁺˚* ✫ Johnny ✫ ͙⁺˚*

"I told you I liked you, you said, 'Sober up'
But why would I lie? It's so clear I'm in love with you"

March 29, 2005

"You're lying," I narrowed my eyes at Gibsie who was giving me a run down of what I'd said while under anesthesia.

He claimed I had told Grace that 'we were going to have loads of babies', which couldn't be true. I knew for certain I'd never say anything like that.

Da, Gibsie and Declan had both been harassing me for the past couple days about my love confession to Gracie. I felt like a complete dick for saying all that considering I didn't mean a word of it.

And I felt even more like a dick now that Gibsie was telling me every detail of what I'd said.

"I'm dead serious," He shrugged, "You even told your mam to get out so you could 'do it'."

"That's not funny," I snapped. "You've got to be pulling my leg."

"Cross my heart, hope to die. It was a masterpiece," Gibsie laughed. "The best part was that Grace was flustered, which is something I'd never seen."

He was right, I'd hardly ever seen Grace flustered in all my years of knowing her. She was good at putting up a nonchalant front, even when I knew the girl was full of emotion.

"Shite," I groaned. "I've gone and fucked it up. Has she brought it up since?"

"No, surprisingly she hasn't. I'm sure she's trying to forget about it."

"Fuck. That stupid anesthesia."

"Yeah," Gibsie laughed, "blame the anesthesia, lad."

What the fuck was wrong with me? Gibsie was right, I couldn't blame the anesthesia. People don't say things like that just because they're high. I must've meant it. I must have feelings for her somewhere inside me.

The door to my hospital room flung open and in walked Adeline with a look of anger etched on her face.

"Hey, babe," Gibsie smiled at the sight of Adeline.

"Hi, babe," She returned the grin but then glared at me. "I'm going to kill you, Jonathan."

Great.

"What did I do?" I gaped, pushing myself into a seated position.

"Don't play stupid," She scoffed, placing her hands on her hips. "You got in Grace's head. You told her everything she wanted to hear right when she's moving on from you!"

Her words made me sweat. Grace moving on was not what I wanted. I didn't even know I had these feelings for her until this moment.

But it was so obvious. I'd been blind to it, or in better terms, I'd been avoiding my feelings.

I'd tried to push them down and mask them with friendship but it wasn't working anymore.

"Addy-"

"Shut your mouth, Jonathan! I don't know how you feel about her, and honestly I don't care, because you are going to leave her alone. She's happy with Theo, he's a good guy and she likes him. I know if you go and tell her that you love her she's going to come running to you and you'll hurt her." Addy was glaring at me, "she doesn't need to be hurt, she might act tough and like she doesn't care, but she has a big heart, Johnny. Let her go. Stop giving her the hope that one day you'll get your head of your arse, because we both know you won't."

She was right. My new found feelings for Grace were going to fuck everything up. She deserved to be happy—even if that was with Theo—and it wasn't my place to disrupt that. Even though I was the jealous type, and I knew I'd do something stupid. I'd bulldoze, it's what I'm best at.

"Yeah, you're right," was all I could say.

Because I couldn't tell her that I loved Gracie. That's not what she wanted to hear, she wanted me to know that I fucked with Gracie's head so many times over the past few years that my words weren't believable.

"Beautifully said, babe," Gibsie winked at Adeline. "You're so fucking sexy when you're angry."

"What the hell?!" I growled, glaring at my eejit of a best friend.

"What?" Gibsie shrugged, "it's the truth. By the way, your sister and I are definitely in love."

Addy blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "he's still recovering, Ger, don't give him a heart attack yet." She then slipped out of the room and Gibsie gave me a sheepish grin.

"Tell me you didn't touch my sister," I inhaled a steadying breath.

"I didn't touch her?" Gibsie offered.

"Fucking christ," I groaned. "This is the worst day ever."

"In my opinion it's one of the best," He chuckled.

"Don't even start with me."

"You've just realized, haven't you?" Gibsie eyed me.

"Realized what?" I frowned.

"Your feelings."

"My feelings?"

"For Grace. They are a lot bigger than you thought," He filled in for me.

"Yeah," I muttered. "I don't know."

"It's obvious, Johnny. You don't get high and confess your love for someone if you don't mean it."

"Shite, maybe I do like her," I mumbled, as if I hadn't known it for the past five minutes.

"Come on, lad, you love her, don't even try to lie," He grinned, clearly amused by the revelation.

I opened my mouth to speak but I quickly closed it and swallowed my words, there was no use in trying to deny it. I was head over heels for Gracelyn Monroe.

But it was too late for that.
It was too late for us.