Gold Rush

fan-fucking-tastic

:* ୨୧ Gracelyn ୨୧ :*

"Every time I try to heal, you just come back to haunt me"

April 4, 2005

"Keep touching me like that and I'll be taking you to the bathroom," I smirked at Theo, who had his hand on my bare thigh.

We were cuddled up in a corner booth of Biddies lounge, celebrating Adeline and Declan's birthday. We'd pretty much been in the same spot all night and I was having a really good time.

The past week had been a whirlwind—from Johnnys high confession, to avoiding him, to spending a lot of time of time with Theo—I'd actually managed to push Johnny from my mind almost entirely.

I was enjoying my time with Theo and I found myself feeling normal for once. I watched as Addy hopped from person to person, obviously remaining the centre of attention on her birthday. I then looked to Declan who was sitting on his phone, with a dull expression on his face.

As much as I teased the lad, I did feel for him. His girlfriend was fresh from the hospital due to her father beating her and I knew it'd taken a serious toll on him. He felt responsible.

"Then I'm going to keep touching you," Theo chuckled, his thumb stroking the inside of my thigh.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my lips making me smile. But I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked across the room to where Johnny was standing with Feely and Hughie. His blue eyes were burning holes in my face and I felt myself explode with emotion.

We'd barely spoken ten words to each other since he'd 'confessed his love for me'. Mostly because I didn't want my heart to get broken and partly because I was busy with Theo. I knew what Johnny would say—the same thing he always said—that he's not interested.

I was done with his games and him fucking with my heart. Having his eyes on me made me feel trapped and I was having a hard time getting air into my lungs.

"Hey, lad," Declan nodded at Theo, coming to slide into the booth.

"Hey, happy birthday!" Theo grinned, turning towards Declan.

I used this as my opportunity to do what I did best—run. I silently thanked Declan for his appearance and slipped outside into the damp April air.

I crossed my arms over my chest because my lack of clothing wasn't exactly fit for torrential down pour. I pulled a cigarette out of my purse and lit it. I took a much needed inhale and stared out into the night.

"There you are," Johnny's voice came from behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know it was him, I'd memorized his voice when I was eleven years old.

"Can I help you?" I exhaled a cloud of smoke, and kept my eyes trained on the street.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," he mumbled, "for a few days now."

"Congratulations?" I offered. I gave in and turned around to lock eyes with him. He wore a look of despair and I tried to figure out why exactly that was.

"Gracie," he sighed, "I'm sorry. I know I said a lot of shite in that hospital room."

"And let me guess, you didn't mean it," I laughed manically, taking another long drag of my smoke.

"What?" He blinked rapidly. "No, I meant it, Gracie."

Hold the fuck up.

Johnny meant it. He meant it when he said he loved me, and when he said he'd always known it. I should've been ecstatic but I wasn't. I felt furious. I'd waited years for him to say this and he waited until I was happy with someone else to do it.

"No, you didn't," I hissed. "You never mean it, Johnny."

"Look," he sighed, taking a step towards me, "I know I've fucked up a lot. I've led you on and fucked with your head but this is serious, Gracie. I meant what I said in that hospital room, I have feelings for you."

"Well, that's just fan-fucking-tastic isn't it," I shook my head, throwing my cigarette to the ground and stepping on it. "I've waited five years for this, Johnny! Five! And the second I find someone else you tell me what I want to hear? Doesn't that seem a bit odd to you?"

The rain was pelting down on me, soaking through my dress and falling onto my face, but I didn't care. I needed to give him a piece of my mind. I couldn't let him do this to me.

"But it's true!" He yelled, his rain soaked t-shirt clinging to his body, "You know it's true."

"No! You don't get to do that!" I shouted, all chances of keeping my emotions at bay flew out the window.

"I'm telling you how I feel! I can't stop it, Gracie," He shook his head, the rain soaking his hair.

"Well stop!" I screamed, "Leave me alone! Please."

His eyes filled with hurt and he wore an expression of pure shock.

"You're going to go back inside," I took a steadying breath, "And I'm going to collect myself and then I'll come in, and we will forget this ever happened."

"Is that what you want?"

No!

"Yes."

"Fuck," He choked out. "You really don't love me anymore?"

"You lost your chance, Jonathan Kavanagh!" I swallowed hard. "Now walk away."

His eyes flashed with hurt but he nodded and walked off towards the bar, leaving me standing in the rain with my heart pounding.

I wanted to scream at him to come back and kiss me. My heart was begging my brain to give in—to let this happen—but it wouldn't budge.

I couldn't let him win.

He'd hurt me too many times.
And I knew he'd do it again.

Theo was the right choice. So, I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and headed back inside to my boyfriend.

And I attempted to push Johnnys words out of my mind.