Gold Rush

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:* ୨୧ Gracelyn ୨୧ :*

"Broke his heart 'cause he was nice"

April 9, 2005

Addy and I were still avoiding each other, or at least I was avoiding her. Being unable to go to the Kavanagh's was like torture. So, I found my feet walking towards Theo's house.

I'd not seen him in a few days and I did find myself missing him. It was hard because Adeline was right. I was hurting Theo the same way Johnny hurt me.

But I liked Theo, he was the right choice.

I knocked on his door and rocked back and forth on my feet. The door swung open and I met the green eyes that belonged to my boyfriend.

"Oh, hi," he looked surprised to see me.

"Hi," I smiled, tucking a stay piece of hair behind my ear.

"I was actually meaning to speak to you," he ran a hand through his hair. He had a different energy to him today, he wasn't himself.

"What's up?" I asked, watching as he closed the door behind him, stepping outside onto the front porch.

He inhaled a deep breath, "I'm only going to ask you this once, and I need you to be honest, okay?"

Oh god.

Anxiety immediately rose inside of me. I didn't like honestly, and I hated being serious even more.

"Um, okay," I nodded uncomfortably.

"Do you love Johnny?" His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted to lie, I wanted to tell him that I only loved him, but I couldn't.

I owed Theo more than that.

"Theo..." I couldn't get the words out.

"Just say it, Grace," he swallowed hard.

"Fine, I love him," I whispered, my eyes trained on the ground. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"Theo, I am so sorry," I frowned, letting my eyes move to his face, only to watch it contort in sadness. "I really do like you."

"But you love him," he nodded, attempting to look unaffected, but it wasn't working.

"Yeah, I do."

I couldn't fight it anymore. Addy was right, Theo deserved better. I wasn't good for him, I wasn't good period. I'd toyed with the boys heart for too long and now it was my right to watch the damage I'd caused.

"I didn't want to hurt you," I blurted out. "I really thought I was over him."

"I really want to believe that Grace, but knowing what I know, I can't," he cleared his throat, unable to meet my eyes.

"You can hate me," I nodded. "I'm okay with that, but just know I'm so fucking sorry."

"I can't hate you, and I can't even be mad you," he sighed. "I believe in love, Grace, so I really hope he's the one for you or else all of this was for nothing."