SIMPHIWE: HER LAST

Chapter 17

KGOMOTSO

AUGUST

It's been two months.
He wasn't lying.
He had been coming here and everyday I would watch that red Audi RS7 come and go without me having to interact with him at all. Sometimes it wouldn't come at all during the day, but at night I'd see it.
Today he's here again.
You know, at some point maybe I do have to have to speak to him.
I know what I said on that phone call. I know exactly what he was talking about and I realised that he was the one who called me through Mantwa's phone.
I thought I had been talking to Mantwa that whole time.
I have to face him because my mother also won't bothering me with the questions.
Mahlodi went back to her travelling life with her Buhle boyfriend and Matome and his mother went back Polokwane while Mmane Noko left for G-Mash.

He gets out the car as I walk towards him. My arms still crossed. My hair is worn out this time.
He's wearing a different set of tracksuits. Nike this time and I'm wearing a long dress with sleeves.
It is cold, but not as cold as Joburg is.

Kgomotso: "Are these the signs you've been talking about, Simphiwe?"

No greeting.
Nothing.
He just chuckles.

Kgomotso: "What's funny?"

Simphiwe: "Do you still love me, Kgomotso?"

I give him my WTH face.
But my heart drops this time.
Bathong! This question is so out-of-the-blue!

Simphiwe: "Because I couldn't stop thinking about, Motso. I couldn't stop thinking about you since the day you set you foot in that church for the first time again. No... it was from that day we saw each other at the gala dinner last year. Remember? I couldn't get you off my mind and I think it's high time I say this to you face again: I still love you, Kgomotso. I always have. kaMashaba, I cannot be the only one who still feels something between us. Look, I know you might be struggling to move on from your husband's death--"

Immediately I raise my hand to stop him.

Kgomotso: "You've said enough. Simphiwe, you do realise that I have a two-month-old baby right?"

Simphiwe: "I don't mind waiting. Kgomotso, you need to stop making all these excuses. Don't deny what you're feelings are."

He takes my hands.

Simphiwe: "You need to break down those walls that are holding you back, Kgomotso. You need to stop making these excuses, Kgomotso. I know you still love me, but you just can't say it because of what you've been through. Widows can fall in love again. Just let me back into your life again, Kgomotso. Think about the times you and I were together. Think about how happy we were. Think about the freedom you had. Baba, you don't have to worry about what people are going to say. I know you have a newborn, I know you're a widow. I know. But, Motso, you can't use that as an excuse to hide away from those feelings you've been feeling."

And again he's left me speechless.
He lets me go.

Simphiwe: "But you're right. I've said enough. And you're probably tired of seeing me. The sun is setting. I have to go back to Joburg tomorrow to see my daughter. Kgomotso, once you've made up your mind you know what to do. I'm done talking. Goodbye."

He gets into the car and drives off again.
I'm left on the street again.
Oh, Kgomotso.
Where is your mind going?

SIMPHIWE

It's pointless, isn't it?
I even decided to leave for Joburg once I left her street.
I made it home an hour ago and I was surprised everyone was still up.
I sigh again. For the millionth time.

"Big bro." Bonolo says as she sits next to me on the couch.

Ma and bab'Zothile went to bed, Ma'Vee and Aunty Ayanda went partying with Aunty Zinhle and Aunty Zanele.
I wonder how they still go to party at their old age, unless it some kind of stokvel party because apparently one of them is part of abomama be-society.
I'm sure it's Ma'Vee. That one loves money and worst part, we've got plenty of it at home unless her older sister told to make her own money.

Simphiwe: "Yah, Bonolo."

I sound very defeated. I am.

Bonolo: "What has been up with you these days?"

Simphiwe: "Ey. My life has just been on a standstill, man."

Bonolo: "Shame. We'll talk tomorrow. I'm very sleepy plus I have a morning show to do tomorrow. Goodnight."

Simphiwe: "Goodnight."

Kgomotso man.
She needs to stop hiding behind that widow excuse. What irritates me is that she knows what she wants, she's just too scared and I don't know what she's scared of.
She knows where her heart truly belongs and she acts like she can't see that.
I blame that dead monster she married.
Nx!

KGOMOTSO

What if he's right?
He had always been on mind from the day we spoke at church.
Why am I even scared?
I've been tossing and turning the whole night thinking of what he said while Lefika has been sleeping peacefully.
I can barely sleep.
How can one's words keep me up at night?
It's not even the first time.
Even that night of the gala dinner I couldn't sleep because of what he said, but I had to remember that he was married and I was already engaged.

Do I still love him?

My body is going against me.
I'm already reaching for my phone and going straight to my contacts.
He's the only one by my blocked contacts.
I can't believe I'm doing this...

SIMPHIWE

Hawu!
She texted?
She unblocked me.

"If I let you back in my life, do you promise to never hurt me again?"