Detach [Bbangsaz]

What Was I Thinking?

"I'm here for you."

Those were the words that rang through Minji's ears as she woke up. After she quietly sobbed into the darkness, she ended up passing out on Hanni's couch without meaning to. Now her eyes were adjusting to the small beams of light that were seeping in through the cracks of the blinds. She felt a soft blanket draped over her body as she shifted around on the couch.

She was still slightly damp from being out in the rain the night before. When she swallowed, her throat felt dry and a ping of pain shot through her throat. She was beginning to show the telltale signs of catching a cold but she needed to figure out what to do next. She looked down and Hanni was peacefully sleeping with her head resting on the cushion of the couch. It looked like the nurse never left Minji's side. There were even signs that Hanni was considerate– a change of clothes and a towel which was placed neatly on the coffee table.

After Minji got ready as quietly as she could, she went to wake Hanni up but Hanni was already awake.

"Oh, hi, Dr. Kim." Hanni greeted nervously.

She too was just now processing everything that happened the night before. The Vietnamese couldn't shake the weird feeling that was swelling up in her chest at the sight of Minji standing in front of her with a bare face and wearing her college sweater. It didn't make any sense how Minji was able to pull off such a simple fit flawlessly.

"Hanni? You okay?" Minji asked with a look of concern plastered across her face.

Hanni mentally slapped herself, "Y- yeah, I'm okay."

A moment of silence briefly engulfed the two before Minji decided to speak first.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened last night. I didn't mean to show up so abruptly," She began confessing as she instinctively rubbed her nape.

"I was going through something and you were the only person I knew. I know it was very unprofessional of me." She had her eyes glued onto Hanni's, desperately hoping for the latter to speak up.

After another silence filled the stilled air, Hanni spoke, "It's okay Dr. Kim, I understand."

Minji visibly relaxed before she bowed and walked towards the front door. Another second in that atmosphere and Minji swore she was going to combust. She felt her fingers twitching on her sides–she was frozen.

Suddenly, a wave of Déjà vu hit her. She was abruptly brought back to a familiar yet distant night in her past. She remembered a situation similar to this one.

She was standing at the door, contemplating–contemplating whether or not she should turn back around, face her fears, or open the door and run away. She knew what she wanted, but she knew she wasn't strong enough to choose what she wanted, she never was. She was always too scared to fight for what she wanted, and it cost her everything.

"Dr. Kim, are you okay?" A soft and nervous voice broke through the silence.

Minji thought about the question for a moment. She didn't know if she wanted to lie and say that everything was okay just to avoid the difficult conversation that was sure to follow, or open up and express how she truly felt. It was tempting to open up to Hanni. The nurse didn't seem like she could even hurt a fly–like she could hurt her. But the Korean woman was scared, she was scared of opening up her heart again.

Before Minji could continue to drown in her thoughts further, she felt an unsure hand on her shoulder. She was still frozen in place, it was as if her legs were suddenly stuck in quicksand and any small movement she made would sink her deeper into her pit of despair.

"Y- you can talk to me." Hanni choked out.

The words felt foreign as they left her lips. She couldn't recall the last time she had to comfort someone on this level. But she decided to initiate a conversation with Minji. She couldn't shake off what Lily had told her before.