i don't know when i started
to feel like i'm trapped inside
someone else's body,
like my skin isn't mine
but i have to wear it,
tight, suffocating,
like i'm just
pretending to be here.
i stay up all night
because it's the only time
i can be alone
without people around,
without their eyes on me,
without the mask.
i don't know who i'm pretending to be,
but i know it's not me.
the night stretches
into something darker,
and i think i can breathe
until the mirror finds me.
my eyeliner is messy,
sloppy,
but it hides the twitching face
that can't sit still,
the one i don't want anyone
to look at.
my eyes look tired,
but i don't care,
because no one's here to see
how much i hate what i've become.
how much i hate
me.
i cringe walking past windows,
glancing at my reflection,
the face that doesn't look
like it belongs to me—
it's foreign,
an imposter.
my mood crumbles,
faster than anything,
just a glimpse of my own skin
and i'm nothing
but disgust.
i don't feel real.
i don't feel anything.
when i'm touched,
it's like nothing—
just a cold emptiness,
like i'm a ghost in this body.
it's like i don't even exist,
like i could disappear
and no one would notice,
because i'm not here,
i'm just
pretending.
i hate who i am.
but i can't stop
being her.
YOU ARE READING
poems
Поэзияpoems i've written. i recommend reading from the bottom of the parts and working up to the first one. i promise they get better and more lengthy. the first few poems are rhyme schemes, the rest are free verse peoms. please don't take without credits...
