the days are bleeding into each other again.
they slip through my fingers, colorless,
like water down a drain i am too tired to stop watching.
monday, tuesday, thursday,
does it matter? does anything?
the urge is back.
it hums beneath my skin,
a quiet, familiar whisper,
like an old friend who never really left.
i press my nails into my palm,
trace the ghost of old lines,
wonder how red would look against me tonight.
someone laughs, too loud, too cruel—
"not everybody is like you!"
i laugh too,
because we are not alone,
because i am supposed to be okay now,
because i have no other choice.
but my throat burns, my chest tightens,
because i am still that same wreck,
still drowning, just quieter about it.
i don't eat anymore.
i tell myself it's control,
tell myself it's discipline,
tell myself maybe if i disappear,
i won't have to be this anymore.
but hunger claws at me like something alive,
something desperate,
something just like me.
i see myself in passing windows,
in smudged mirrors,
in phone screens turned dark.
i never expect to look like this.
in my head, i am different—
sharp edges, soft glow, something almost beautiful.
but then reality splinters through,
and i remember.
i remember.
i do not know who i am.
i try on faces like borrowed coats,
none of them fit right.
none of them feel like home.
i stand outside myself,
watching, waiting,
but the real me never shows up.
YOU ARE READING
poems
Poetrypoems i've written. i recommend reading from the bottom of the parts and working up to the first one. i promise they get better and more lengthy. the first few poems are rhyme schemes, the rest are free verse peoms. please don't take without credits...
