poems

the ache.

there's an ache in my chest,
one that time refuses to dull.
it builds in silence,
softens in chaos,
only to settle in the cracks of stillness.

being myself is exhausting.
being anything is exhausting,
because existence breeds expectation.
validation is the silent killer
no one dares to name.

there are moments— too many to count—
where i wish i had been enough,
where i wish i had met the expectations
i hadn't even known existed.

the ache deepens when i think about it,
the times i should have known.
i shouldn't be realizing it now,
i should have understood
before it was too late.

i tell myself it wasn't fair,
that i don't deserve this weight.
but i do.
because the only person
this wasn't fair to— was you.

i never speak the apology
my eyes whisper through salt-streaked pleas,
my heart carves into itself with every beat.
why drag the pain back into the light
just to try and heal it,
when you've already buried it?

my mind battles my heart.
i know you've forgiven me.
i know you've likely forgotten
the shadows i casted upon you.
but i can't shake the fear
that my darkness swallowed
more of you than you'd ever admit.

i hope you know how sorry i am.
i'd kneel forever,
offering every piece of me in apology—
if only you could believe me.
if only i could believe
that you believe.
if only it could mend
what's already broken.

.