𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 ★ charles leclerc

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙮, maisie

❝ i lost myself when i lost you. ❞
⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻

My heart should be racing with anticipation, my mind locked into strategy and precision. Instead, all I do is keep crying no matter how hard I try to push it away.

I tell myself to focus, to shove everything else down where it can't hurt me, but it's no use. All I keep thinking is about last night.

Everything I said to him. How everything ended. It kills me. It's killing me right at this moment.

'Go build a life and I'll support you.' How the hell am I supposed to do that? How the hell am I ever going to look into those big blue-greenish eyes without crying again?

How can ever watch him with another woman? Or a kid?  There's no way. All I said last night was complete bullshit. Nothing I've ever said in my life pained me more.

The tifosis are everywhere, a sea of red filling the stands. And they keep chanting his name "Charles! Charles! Charles!" It's deafening, their devotion to him, their Ferrari prince. My old prince.

I tighten my gloves, glancing toward the front of the grid. He's right in front of me but he doesn't dare too look back, look at me.

Myself? I can't stop. Even with Cecilee talking beside me, I'm staring. I'm listening to her, I am. But my eyes are focused on him.

He's talking to his own engineer, sipping on his bottle as he nods, agreeing with him.

"Focus, damn it, Mikati." Cecilee snaps her finger in front of me.

I switch my glance to her. "I swear, I am."  I promise despite my gaze being on him. "I'm great at multi-tasking."

"Uhu." She doesn't press, going back to strategy and tire management. I don't let myself look back at him again.

But when the time comes to get in our cars and Cec leaves me, unconsciously, I look in front, about to put on my helmet.

And that's when I see him again. Already looking at me. My back straightens by itself, feeling a strong shiver down my whole body and I take a deep breath. I can barely stay straight when our eyes connect.

His eyes go darker. Not supporting this, he closes the visor over his face and turns, going into his car.

Understandable.

I sigh and put my helmet on, getting in myself.

He looks calm. Confident. Ready to win. He's always been good at compartmentalizing. But, I think I may hurt him a bit too much last night. Enough to affect him today.

"Good luck, Mais." Cecilee comes on the comms, wishing me my usual good luck from her.

"Yeah, sure." I mumble, as the formation laps starts on.

"It's lights out and away we go!"

The lights go out and instinct takes over. My body reacts before my mind does, the car launching off the line as I push the throttle.

For a moment, there's only the track, the engine, and the vibration of the car beneath me. But as I hit the first corner, Charles is just ahead, his scarlet Ferrari slipping through the turns with grace.

I chase him. Every lap, every sector, I push harder, trying to close the gap. Cecilee's voice crackles through the radio, urging me to push. I am pushing. God, I'm pushing so hard. If this is how birth is like, I'm out. But no matter what I do, he stays ahead, just out of reach.