bumbling about

43 - v emotional sorry

i'm just here to tell a story. a big emotional story that i probably won't talk about again. sorry in advance.

there was a point in my life where i thought everyone around me hated me. i was bullied, mostly by myself, and i did awful, awful things. i slit my wrists. i cried myself to sleep every night. i was so sad.

my mum found out and talked to me about it and all the sadness seemed stopped for a while.

before i started my new school, i started feeling that way again. i started to self harm again and i was so sad about everything. i hated myself. i hated my life. i hated hating everything. i hated being sad.

it was around three months in to my new school when i said something about it. thats when i started taking stuff to make me happier. thats when things got better.

i took comfort in music a lot. i even got to tell one of my favourite bands that i took comfort in their music. and the drummer held my hand and told me to never hurt myself again.

i stopped cutting a while before this. i was still sad. but not as sad.

after that, i met two of my best friends in the whole entire world. we became friends, then good friends, then best friends.

skip to a few months later when i got news that ed sheeran was coming to ireland.

i had talked about going to his concert with one of my best friends so naturally i asked if i could go with her. my mum said yes. we got the tickets. and so we went.

and it was the best damn concert i've ever been to.

i'm not sad. i'm happy again. so happy i could burst. i don't need anything to make me happy anymore, i just am.

i'm going to fall out boy in october with that same friend (hi dude if you're reading) and i can't wait.

if you're feeling sad, speak up. its tough but i promise its worth it.

and if i could say one thing to myself all those months ago, its that one day it will get better. one day, you'll be a month and a bit away from being a whole year clean. totally clean, including odd cuts on bad days.

i was prepared to kill myself. but here i am. and i'm finally okay.

everything is okay in the end. if its not okay, its not the end.

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sorry for stressing the same things and the same story. i just want people to start speaking up. talk to me if ya need a friend x