The Sympathizer

Chapter 46

I wake up to the sound of machines whirring in the background. There's a beeping sound from across the room and I have to blink a few times to adjust to the bright white lights. 

I'm in the medical centre, in one of the private wards. General Lyra is seated on a chair across from me, her foot tapping on the floor. I push myself up with my elbows and lean against the headboard. My body is filled with exhaustion, it feels like I've just run for miles. 

"General." I murmur, trying my best to get out of this groggy state. Her eyes shoot up to meet mine and I notice they are bloodshot. 

She stands up immediately and walks over to me. I notice she grips the edge of my bed, her knuckles going white. 

"When you came to see me last night, before my husband left..." She trails off, her face grief stricken. 

It all comes rushing back to me then. The memory devices, the explosives, me trying to get to them and Lazarus's commander stopping me. I just don't know how I ended up here.

"What happened?" I croak. My throat is so dry, I look at the pitcher of water on the table next to me but turn back to the general. I don't feel like eating or drinking till I know what happened to those devices. 

"My husband is dead." She says it so quickly, so emotionlessly like it is a mere fact. "So are General Aldric and Xia. Their ship exploded two hours ago. We are tracing the remnants for any signs of explosives." 

I want to crawl under the sheets and disappear because of the way she is looking at me right now. It takes a moment to hit me. The realisation that General Aldric is now dead. He can never blackmail me or hurt Lazarus again. 

I thought I would feel horrible about him being gone but I don't. Even Mondric who punishes Lucian to this day. The only one I feel sad about is General Xia. She was always nice to me, always gentle and friendly. She's the only one who seemed to mind her own business. 

But General Lyra looks broken. I realise what this loss means to her and it makes me feel like the worst Plutonian on the planet. 

She walks to my side and leans down to whisper. "But you knew that already, didn't you?" 

My chest caves, like an invisible force is wearing me down. Tears pool at the corners of my eyes and she looks at me with disgust. I quickly wipe them away but it's hard because they keep forming. 

"I only meant for the memory devices to be used like we discussed. Not this." I grip the sheets around me tighter like the material can somehow cover up my sins. 

"It was not ready. I told you. I don't know why you always do this. Now look at what you've done." 

My mind is whirring. I did not do this! The general knows that, it's only reason why I'm sitting here and not a prison cell. 

"General Aldric was blackmailing me, I had to make him forget! I needed those memory devices for that reason alone." I answer defensively. "The ones we took had traces of explosives, I found out too late." 

She wipes her face, looking tired and miserable. "Lazarus was behind this, obviously. This is why you need to stop acting alone, Luna." 

I try to swallow but it's hard to do so because my throat is so dry. I feel sick. Something threatens to come out so I crawl out of bed and rush to the wash room. Nothing comes out except some liquid but I still feel so sick. 

I'm dry heaving and it takes a few minutes for me to stop. I sit on the cold tiled floor and lean against the door, having less energy than I did before. 

The general walks over and looks down at me with disdain. "Consider this a warning, Luna. This is the last time you will act alone without my knowledge. We cannot be responsible for your mistakes, especially if they are as big as these."