Unheard Cries |H.S|

Chapter 16

Rachel's POV

I reached the door of Harry's bedroom and hesitated. Should I knock or just barge in? Or should I just leave him alone? It'd been half an hour since his outburst which had confused the hell out of me, and I wanted to know what he was talking about. So I knocked lightly on the door. There was no response. I knocked again, this time a little louder.

"Go away!" a rough, low voice yells. It was Harry, and he sounded sad instead of the anger I was expecting.

"Please, Harry we should talk about this," I say looking down at the floor and then back up at the white door I stood in front of.

"There's nothing to talk about." Harry replies. His voice sounds emotionless now. "Just go." I furrow my eyebrows then cross my arms over my chest, and plant my feet still.

"I'm not leaving until you let me in." I state narrowing my eyes at the door, trying to imagine it's Harry instead. I wanted to just march in there, but I was too damn polite to do it.

"Fine, stand out there all day for all I care." Harry mutters the last part and I sigh before leaning against the wall allowing my head to fall back against it. Damn, why was he so difficult? I bit my lip and before I could stop myself I reached for the door knob and twisted it, the door opened and I saw Harry strewn across his bed. His head jerked over to see me entering the room and he groaned loudly sitting up and punching the bed. I jumped a bit seeing how angry he was. "Dammit, why can't you just listen?" he asks. He turns to face me and he looks frustrated and pained.

"Because, you're outburst confused the hell out of me and I need explanations." I reply.

"What gives you the right? I mean this is my personal life!" Harry sneers. I scoff.

"You've got to be kidding me." I say directing my eyes at Harry. "I think I have a right to know why you're so bipolar!"

"Dammit!" Harry cries running a hand trough his curls. "Fine, what do want to fucking know?" I was a little taken back . He was giving into me? He was willing to open up? I had to hide the satisfied grin that wanted to spread across my face. I cleared my throat and looked at Harry once again.

"Um, what did you mean when you said you were a nerd?" that had been rather confusing to me and I watched as Harry stared at the comforter he was now sitting up on. I took a seat as well, the bed creaking a bit as it took on the new weight.

"In junior high and most of high school I was a nerd." Harry admits. I give him a look of disbelief.

"You, Harry Styles were a nerd?" I ask. "I don't buy it." Harry just gives me a deadpan look.

"I'm not lying. I got picked on pretty much everyday. So halfway through my junior year, I moved. I changed schools, and I changed my appearance."

"So you had glasses, and bowties?" I asked him. I was being a little sarcastic and felt a bit guilty. I mean Harry was sharing his past with me, but I wasn't exactly used to feeling sympathy for Harry.

"I had reading glasses, no bowties. But I did own a nice collection of sweater vests. But there was a whole other side of me people never bothered to try and get to know. I was more than just the geek who spent Friday nights at home studying. I was more than brains." Harry has this look like he's ashamed of who he once was. "So when my family and I moved I decided to change myself. I got contacts, tried to burn the sweater vests, but I ended up just giving them to charity. I still played music, and I still enjoyed cooking but I decided that school was lame and then I started partying." Harry explains. But he's not finished. "I know you're going to ask me why I became a total prick, and that's because I refused to be weak and get picked on again. So yes, I'm an asshole and there's no excuse for what I've done to you, or anyone else I've hurt. But I just don't want to be that weak dorky kid again." Harry looked like his mind was in another place. I bit my lip not sure of what to reply with. I was feeling a bit of sympathy for him.

"Harry," I begin finally thinking of the words to say. "You don't have to put up a front. The whole world isn't like high school. You don't have to be an asshole to prove yourself. And besides, punching people, abusing people, it doesn't make you a man." I tell him locking eyes with him. Harry's green eyes blink and I see tears brim his eyes and slowly, one escapes his tear duct and trickle down his cheek. I wasn't quite sure what else to say so I stood up slowly. Harry looked surprised. "I should let you have some time to yourself." I say before turning and walking out of the bedroom.

"Rachel," Harry begins. His voice cracking. "I-" I stopped him figuring what he was going to tell me.

"Harry, I know you're sorry for what happened between us. But I don't know if I can ever look past that. I mean I understand why you're so damaged, but I think I just need time to process it all." I say. Harry furrows his eyebrows together and looks like he's in pain. But he nods.

"Okay." he mutters before I leave the room shutting the door behind me.

~~

Harry's POV

"Okay." I muttered before watching Rachel close the door. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but then she told me that she still saw the Harry who had treated her like nothing more than just a doll. The Harry who had been a total asshole. It all came back to me. When I forced myself on her, when I hit her. Half the time I was drunk, but that was no excuse. I was a horrible human being. And I had to admit it. No matter what I did, those memories of what I did to her were still there. I couldn't take them back. I fell back and lay there.

I wish I could kiss her slow, I wish I could take her on romantic dates like in the movies. I wanted to show her that I loved her. I wanted to find a way to tell her. But how could she love me after what I'd done? I closed my eyes wishing that I could take away all those bad things. Wishing I hadn't been a prick. But it was no use. They were all just wishes that would go unanswered.