The Patchwork Marriage

Fear of Loss

Why is it that Emily was so frightened to loose this baby? Was it because she felt like this time they might get lucky? Or was it because she couldn't bare to add another miscarriage to her already countless ones?

Meg was nearly two when Emily reached fourteen weeks in what what her 12th time being pregnant. The countless miscarriages had taken their toll, so much so that Emily wasn't counting how many weeks pregnant she was, instead she was trying to enjoy every moment of having a little person inside her, expecting the pregnancy to end any day now. Daniel kept telling her to be positive that she'd made it past the first trimester and was into the second, but it was hard not to be negative when she's still suffered miscarriages past this point.

As she sat in bed one summers morning with Daniel sleeping beside her so looked over their most recent sonogram, tracing his finger over the baby's recognisant,e arms and legs. Her stomach was bulging already and her tank top sat tightly just above her belly button unable to fit properly. Daniel slowly began to wake up and rolled over before gently resting his hand on Emily's stomach.
"Morning," she whispered tiredly.
"Hi. How'd you sleep?"
"Alright, you?"
"I had you sleeping next to me. Whatcha looking at?"
"Just the sonogram," she said resting her hand on top of his.
"We have a big bubba," he smiles rubbing her stomach gently.
"Mm I know."
"Mummy! Daddy!" Meg called from her cot.
"I'll get her," Daniel said slowly getting up and walking to the nursery across the hall. He returned moments later with Meg on his hip as she cuddled her blankie.
"Hi beautiful girl," Emily said reaching forward and taking her. "What are we going to do today?"
"Meg go swim?"
"We can go swimming in the pool after breakfast," Emily nodded smiling at her.
Emily stood up and tried to pull down her top with no luck and put Meg on her hip.
"Let me take her," Daniel said.
"No it's okay, I got it."
They walked down the stairs and Emily made breakfast after sitting Meg at the high chair, and once they were done they went back upstairs to change. After Meg picked out her favourite set of bathers and Emily was changed they wandered down to the pool by the house. As Daniel walked down the steps into the water with Meg on his hip he looked back to Emily.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," she said following him in.
"I worry about you." He said taking her hand and pulling her close to him.
"You don't need to, I'm fine," she said with an unconvincing smile.
Daniel let go of Meg and she bobbed on the surface of the water with the floaties on her arms.
"When's your next appointment?"
"Tuesday. You don't have to come."
"No I want to. What time?"
"2 I think." Daniel walked over to behind her and gently massaged her shoulders. He smiled as she relaxed and rested her head back on his shoulder.
"You would tell me if something was wrong wouldn't you? I know you struggled through summer when you were pregnant with Meg."
"I just need a better nights sleep and I'll be fine." She said turning around and resting her head in his chest.
"I love you," he said kissing her head.
"I love you too."