Alice in Borderland

Chapter 113

Nine years ago - I must have been just thirteen - my mother had planned a holiday to Greece with me and one of her sisters. We quickly booked an affordable and centrally located hotel, but we still had more than six months to go before our departure. At the beginning, we talked about which sights we wanted to visit and which food we wanted to try. But there was still a long way to go and after just one week, the premature thrill was history. It seemed so far in the future that I got on with my own life. At least until the night before. I just couldn't get to sleep, the excitement kept me awake, but when the day of our departure arrived and we were on the plane, all the nervousness and anticipation had softened and turned into sensual calm.


That's exactly how I would describe the phenomenon of my mood now.

When Chishiya asked me in the supermarket if I would get out of here and leave the beach, it felt like an eternity ago. It was like a brief thrill, just the idea and discovering something new. But over time, I've learnt to live with it. I haven't forgotten it, but it seemed so far away. Last night, though, I couldn't close a single eye, I kept pacing back and forth in my hotel room and my muscles seemed tense, as if they couldn't find release. But since I woke up, against all logical thinking, I have been calm.


I spent a quiet afternoon saying goodbye to the people I will only meet under different circumstances after today...


~ Flashback to midday that day ~

Almost meditatively, with my eyelids closed, I take a deep breath so that my chest visibly heaves and lean backwards in my uncomfortable but not overheated sun lounger. I can't remember ever enjoying such fresh air in Tokyo in my old life. It's not just as if the factories all over the city are standing still, it's as if they've never been in operation. The smog of the city that used to cover this part of Japan has disappeared and it is idyllically quiet. At least outside the walls of Seaside Paradise, also known as the Beach.


I open my eyes and observe the atmosphere at the pool area. The atmosphere seems cheerful and the typical party music is playing this afternoon, people are having fun and cooling off in the chlorinated water, drinking cocktails or sitting together with friends and chatting. I haven't felt particularly safe in this environment recently, but my last day as a member of this establishment has begun and I feel almost sentimental - and amused at myself - about this place. I made my first friend in this community in the very same deckchair. At the time, I was suspicious, kept an eye on everything and didn't rest on my observations and judgements for a second. After all, I didn't know anyone, everyone was a stranger to me.


Waiting for the hatter to speak and the games to start, I constantly walked the corridors of this hotel, so that if you look closely, you can probably still recognise the footprints and marks in them after my death or disappearance. I've seen many people come and go, and I've really got used to a few of them. It will be hard for me to leave them behind, not knowing if they can master Borderland.


'Always those pensive wrinkles, at forty you'll look like a sixty-year-old,' a grinning man chides me and sits down on the sun lounger next to me with two orange juice bottles in his hand. He smiles and throws one over to me and I catch it with one hand while the cool condensation runs over my hand. I watch with a smile as Satoru adjusts his hat. He is wearing a colourful Hawaiian shirt in this pleasant weather and the little diamonds in his ears sparkle in the sun.


'If that's the case, at least I'll have an attractive man like you sitting next to me,' I say sarcastically and charmingly, smiling angelically. The illusion of getting even one year older is sadly very unlikely, but it seems all the easier to think playfully and unrealistically about the future.

'Then I'm as old as you look, my dear.'

'Your charm is sometimes immeasurable,' I grin wryly and shake my head.
A silence falls and I feel obliged to bridge it. It's probably a tough change of subject, but I try to convey the question in a light tone. 'What is your motivation for leaving Borderland, old man?'


I have never asked this question to the man who has been with me in stages since my first game. I haven't had much to do with him since that hotel, but he still has a special place in my life. Not only did he explain to me that you die if you don't go to a gambling venue on time, he also encouraged me and didn't leave me alone during the poker game. I can imagine what a struggle it must have been to approach a girl in a cheerleading outfit in front of all those participants not as a willing victim, but as a like-minded one.


'I haven't had a particularly meaningful life,' he nods, his playful grin fading as always. 'I've never had a really long relationship and I don't have any children. But my nieces and nephews are my everything. I wouldn't mind dying directly, but I wouldn't want them to grow up without their funny uncle. Someone they can talk to openly as toddlers and teenagers and not be ashamed of. I want them by my side on my fiftieth and sixtieth and seventieth birthday, not standing at my grave.'

'I'm sure you're the perfect uncle,' I revel in my thoughts and try to suppress them, because after tonight I'll be leaving him behind too. 'You're certainly better than mine.'