Liar | Yeongyu

39. Evening Out (M)

They drove to Beomgyu's nana's gravesite. Yeonjun laid the flowers down and they stood there in silence. His eyes were closed as he quietly thought of her, speaking to whoever was listening as he thanked her for caring for Beomgyu. He could hear the young male sniffling a little next to him as he stood there.

He opened his eyes and looked at him. He wasn't sobbing but the tears fell nonetheless, he wiped them away and took a deep breath.

"I don't want us to miss the movie." He said before he looked at him. "My nana is no longer here, she doesn't have to take any more medication, she won't have that terrible cough anymore, she is finally free of this life's bullshit. She died knowing she was loved and she'll be with grandpa."

Yeonjun hummed and nodded. "You're right. She's in a better place now."

He only left when Beomgyu was ready and then they drove to the movie. They went to see a comedy, it was nice hearing Beomgyu laugh from time to time at the scenes, every time he laughed Yeonjun would turn his head to look at him hoping to see him with a real smile but he knew all of them weren't real. He knew him, how he smiled with his entire face and laughed until he could barely breathe sometimes. 

He wasn't truly happy.

After the movie they walked to a nearby restaurant. Yeonjun opened the door for him, ordered his food for him, and they talked.

"What have you been up to lately?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "I work with my parents now."

"I thought you didn't want to."

"Things changed."

Yeonjun looked down at his food and then sat his chopsticks down. "Beomgyu...I'm sorry I left." Beomgyu didn't say anything. "You think I gave up on us?"

"You did."

"I didn't Beomgyu I still love you."

"I still love a lot of people who aren't here Yeonjun you loving me doesn't mean shit."

"Do you hate me?" Beomgyu didn't answer. "Do you?"

"...yes."

"I don't think you truly do. I think you're wary of me and you have a right to be. I'm trying Beomgyu." He didn't say anything. "I'm afraid truthfully that you won't be able to fully forgive me for what I did and I deserve that. I told you, I deserve to be hated by you."

Beomgyu looked at him. "The worst part wasn't the lies. We spent so much time together and you never once trusted me enough to tell me the truth. I shared so many things with you...you didn't open up to me at all."

Yeonjun sighed. "...I was afraid. I still am." He sat up a little. "Subconsciously I never thought I deserved something like this. I never thought I would fall in love but I did and you were so precious to me, you still are. I'll keep saying it over and over and over again. I'm so so in love with you."

Neither of them said anything and Beomgyu went back to eating and so did Yeonjun. They didn't speak anymore during dinner.

Yeonjun drove him home, an overwhelming sense of lost overtook him. As he drove, a small tear rolled down his cheek and he was able to wipe it away without Beomgyu noticing. He wanted to be confident but he knew that the damaged had been done.

He parked in front of his house and Yeonjun couldn't look at him.

"You won't be able to forgive me. I'm hurting more than I'm helping and I'm only thinking about me trying to get you back. It's my fault. I think I did more damage tonight, trying to pretend that things could go back to normal so easily...maybe we should—"