Into The Shadows 🖤

life.

dearest readers,

for those who don't know,
I was stuck in an arranged marriage where I wasn't allowed to have a job but only do household chores and bear children.

I was treated like a slave. bedroom to kitchen. kitchen to bedroom.

MIL didn't let me live with my husband, she wouldn't like it if he took me out, bought me anything or even live with me. she would always blackmail and threaten her son, if he did anything for his wife.

her hatred separated me from my husband, he would always support his mother when I cried.

whenever i wanted to speak for myself, they would manipulate as if I'm the bad one creating problems in the house.

i was stuck badly that even parents couldn't pull me out of this.

that was the lowest of my life.
nobody helped me.
not even my husband, he never stood up for us.

i was the only one trying to compromise and adjust because if i walk out, the blame would be on my shoulders that 'I couldn't build a relationship with my husband'

after months of crying, compromising, trying to please everyone, working my ass off in the kitchen to prove that I'm a good wife and a good daughter in law, yet tolerating all the verbal abuse, sometimes physical abuse....

....in this chaos, I lost myself.

I only had one hope that one day all of this will end and my husband will love me.

how foolish was I?
how could I not see that he wasn't even a man enough, capable enough to be a human being. i was treated worst than a slave, he used to mock my helplessness, mock my panic and make fun of it in front of my parents.

and one day, i found out that he is cheating on me. that day was the happiest day of my life.

because i got my reason.
to get the fuck out of this.

i chose myself.
over anything else.
over my parents and over the fcking society.

I'm officially DIVORCED.

i am a muslim, I took a Khula - which means the woman leaves the husband. in khula there won't be any alimony or compensation coz I'm leaving him.

and whotf even wants his dirty money.

i can make my life by my own.
I'm powerful to live alone
I'm capable to build my life

and I'm worthy of every bit of it.
it is my fucking life.

MY FUCKING LIFE.
NOBODY FUCKING TELLS ME WHAT TO DO.

as an obedient daughter, my parents told me to get married before it's too late, I did it.
and this is how it turned, not my fault cuz i fucking tried to save it despite all the insult and lack of safety, trust, love...

now I'm on my own
feels weird but this is the first time in life
I'm actually living with myself
my inner self
who has dreams
a vision
a comfort place where she wants to be

I'm going to do all the fcking things I wasn't allowed to do

i will go out alone
i will make friends
hang out with them
go to a pub
dance not drink
i will learn how to swim
gym
treks
beaches
rain.
fcking whatnot

I'm not answerable to anyone.
so are you

it is your life.
fcking own it.
make your penny and be your own boss.

DON'T LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE HOLD YOU FROM BEING WHAT YOU WANT TO BE.

sorry for going MIA
I wanted to delete my existence for a moment, i struggled a lot in the past five months, most importantly the last one n half year.

i missed you all
because even if we don't know eachother,
this place is where we always shared our joys and sorrows.

I'm sorry for not coming here sooner
but i love you all dearly 😭

save yourself before it's too late
Aurie🤍