For better or for worse.

Chapter 23

I've been driving for 12 hours and 42 minutes. Only 11 minutes from  the place where I want to be. I'm going to stay with Ian and his Grandparents on his ranch on the river of maroon bells in Aspen Colorado. I've stayed in touch with him over the past year for obvious reason, but I haven't seen him since his birthday.

I'm driving down the road leading to his house, and I'm nervous. I haven't been here in over a year. I haven't seen him in nearly 11 months. What do I say to him, how do I act? I know what everyone will be thinking. What about Ashton? Well, what about Ashton. Yes, Of course I miss Ashton, but I need time to stay away from him. I feel bad I never really got the whole story of who started the fight, but I didn't really need to, he continued it, he wouldn't stop, he could've killed him. I had never seen him like that before, it was like he was watching himself and he didn't know how to stop.

I put my trusty mustang that drove me all the way here into break about 10 yards from the main ranch house. I remember loving that house. The old wooden three storied ranch, the big wooden balconies on the second and third floor, the side garages. the steps leading up to the ginormous Oak door. I loved this house, and I loved the people in this house. I guess one of the reasons I came back, was to see if I still loved... one specific person in this house. Ian.

I got out of my car to breathe in the fresh Colorado air, it filled my lungs and reminded of every memory I've ever had in this great state. As I began thinking of all of them and taking in the scenery of the house, my thoughts were interrupted by the big oak door guarding the threshold to the house opening. There in front of me, 10 yards away, was Ian. You know when people say there heart stops, well mine actually did. I could no longer function, my hands tensed at my sides, my face froze, I didn't blink for a solid minute, and had no idea what the fuck to do.

He took one step towards me, and still my legs remained in the same paralytic state they were in. He looked just as I remembered him.  He stood tall, about 6'2". His arms looked a lot bigger than I remember, he was definitely in good shape, strands of his dirty blonde hair hung messily in front of his forehead, only pushed back with his hand. He was wearing his brown CAT working boots, old denim jeans, and a plain white top. His top sported a few grease stains and dirt, the slight shimmer of sweat along his arms and forehead indicated he had been working, and by the red rag in his hand, my thoughts were confirmed. He was exactly the same, with the exception of bigger muscles and a prominent stubble growing on his face.

He took another step, followed by another, and another, and another until he was only inches away from me. He smiled that toothy smile of his I loved so much, and I felt my finger twitch. That's when I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a deathly hug, that may well be his last. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground. I had never been so happy to see someone in my life... I stayed clutched on to him, afraid that if I let go that would be the last time I would ever be hugged by him. I lost count of how long we just stayed in each others arms.

"I can't believe it's really you!" I said in to his neck. I started to cry, I actually started to cry at the sight of this man in front of me. All thoughts of everything and anything just melted away as I quietly began to sob into the shoulder of the man standing before me. He shushed quietly in my ear and he slowly allowed my feet to touch the ground again, not letting go of me. I stayed clutched on to him, my fists clenching his shirt and my face buried into his chest.

"I missed you so much." He spoke for the first time since I was here. His voice was just as I remembered, low and deep. His Louisiana accent ringing though my ears. Just the sound of his voice sent me into another sobbing spiral. Why did ever leave him? "Hey, shhhhhhh. It's alright." He spoke, just his voice calmed me down, he stroked my hair with his large hands and traced small circles on my back. I began to slowly let him go, only because I missed the sight of his face, I looked up at him with tear filled eyes and he looked down at me. More tears spilled down my face, but my eyes never tore their way away from his. He brought me in once again and kissed the top of my forehead. Then without saying another word, he grabbed hold of my hand and led me up he steps to the ranch.

We sat at the kitchen table for what seemed like hours, just staring at each other, neither of us believing it was the other. We never let go of each others hand and never allowed each others eyes to leave. "Are you really here?" I asked, I had to be sure, I had to be sure it was him.

"Yeah, yeah I'm really here." Ian said, he stroked his thumb over the back of my hand and brought it to his warm lips where he kissed  them. "Are you ok Sam?" He asked me after a few more minutes. My heart sunk because I wasn't ok, in fact I was the opposite of ok, I was lost.

I ripped my eyes away and laid them on the table. "Yeah, I'm fine." He searched for my eyes, as much as I didn't want him to find them.

"Sam? What happened?" He asked, I knew as soon as I spoke to him on the pone after my fight with Ashton that he knew there was something wrong. I drew in a sharp breath and prepared to tell him hat had happened, and how I was brought back to a time in my life, I hoped to never visit again.