For better or for worse.

Chapter 26

Sam's P.O.V

Ian and I had been talking for what seemed like forever, we spoke all night, about...everything. I told him about Luke and Ashton and their fight. I told him about me bolting and how Aaron is gonna freak out when he gets back from Wisconsin.

"So this Luke guy, did you like him?" Ian asked.

"Yeah I did, I felt so like secure with Luke, like he was the responsible option." I said, looking at Ian.

"And this other guy Ashton, did you like him?" He asked, my eyes immediately found my lap and I sighed, an tried to find my eyes and I let him.

"Yes. yeah he's unpredictable and moody and has raging anger issues, but he made me feel alive, he made me feel wanted and protected and loved, and that's something I haven't felt in a long time." I said, my voice trailing, Ian knew I was talking about him and looked at me.

When Ian looks at you, he doesn't just look in to your eyes, he looks through your eyes and it feels like he's searching through your soul. He's so humble and gentle and kind, I feel as though feelings are coming back that shouldn't be there.

"Sam." Ian said talking hold of one of my hands and placing his other strong hand on the back of my neck. "I want you to know, that if I didn't have that accident, I would've never left, and if you don't want me to, I will never leave you again...I love you Sam." My breathe hitched in my throat and I couldn't breathe, my hands started to shake and my body went numb.

"I have always loved you." He said, stroking his thumb over my cheek bone. He looked at me as if he was sorry that he had just said that and I wondered why. I loved Ian at one point in my life, and if I'm being honest to myself, those feelings never entirely left my body, they were just hidden, even when I was going out with Calum, I was never entirely his, there was always someone else in the back of my mind, that someone being Ian. The only time I ever felt close to what Ian makes me feel was whe I was with Ashton.

Why does that boy have to be so complicated, why does he have to make me feel the way I feel, I don't want to feel this way about Ashton, he confuses my already confused head, he makes me cry and then laugh and then cry some more. I need time, time to figure everything out. That's why I left, is it worth me putting myself through all of this again, is it worth it? Is Ashton worth it?

My thoughts were ripped away from the lack of touch I felt from Ian, he took his hands away from mine, and rubbed the back of his neck, not looking me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "That's not what you wanted to hear, you came here because you needed my help, not to hear how I feel about you." Ian said, taking pauses where need be. I looked at him closely, examining his features, you know when someone's presence makes you feel warm, like not even intentionally, that's what Ian does to me. I couldn't find the right words to answer and prayed he spoke again, but he didn't.

"I just need time. I need time to figure everything out." I said, grabbing his face between my palms and stroking my thumb over his stubble. He grabbed one of my hands and placed a soft kiss to my palm, his eyes were closed and he lingered there for a long time, his forehead was furrowed like he was in pain, then he got up and left the room, leaving me alone with all my thoughts. I was glad, he knew when I needed space and now was one of them.

My mind wandered back to yesterday when I first saw Luke and Ashton fighting, my mind immediately flashbacked to when I saw Ian and Daniel fighting. It made me feel sick, to think that I was the cause of this again, made me never want to go home. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I already knew who it was, Connor's name flashed up of my screen, he must've called me one hundred and fifty times since I've been gone. I felt awful, because I was putting him through this, my best friend and he has no idea where I am. He would've told Aaron by now and he'll be coming back form Wisconsin. Aaron wouldn't have told the police and neither would Connor, my parents are coming back today, and my mind travelled over what excuses Aaron had made up for me not being there. I thought back to yesterday once again, and to the fight, it was obvious they were fighting over me, Calum wouldn't have called me if they weren't, it caused a pain I my stomach just thinking about it. Yes I was together with Luke, and yes  was with Ashton, but this fear was never there until I saw them fighting. I had to get away, because no one would understand, I would have no time to breathe if I was still in Cedar Falls. The question I need to ask myself is does Ashton care about me enough to put himself through this, but more importantly do I care about him enough.

My mind was jolted from my thoughts and to the sound of an engine out the front of the house. I grabbed my jacket to shield myself from the brisk fall air, I stepped outside to the bright sun and saw Ian standing by the side of his Triumph TR5 trophy in his white tee-shirt, blue jeans, brown timberlands and his leather jacket. I smiled at the sight because it brought back so many good memories of when I used to come down here before the accident. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Well, you coming?" He said, getting on the bike, waiting for me to get on. I hesitated for a split second before walking towards him, slinging one leg over his bike and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Hold on." He whispered, then sped up the drive way, deeper into Colorado, the state I loved so much.