Flashbulbs

Heartfelt Apology.

My phone is ringing when I wake and I know it's not Harry. But when I see that it's Gemma, I decide to answer. Better to let them know I'm gone than them think I'll be back, which is what Harry told them I'm sure.
"If this is Harry, stop it." I say when I answer. "No, it's me Gemma. Where are you Sadie?" I'm sure Harry is making her ask and I don't want her to tell him. "It's not important, Gemma. Please just leave me be."
"When are you going home?" I knew Harry wouldn't tell her everything I said. "When I find an apartment, that's when I'll go home Gemma. Now please, it's hard enough already. Just please leave me alone." She's quiet and I almost hang up. "I told him about seeing Heath. He believes you, he's a mess, Sadie. Let him fix it. You've got to let him fix it."
"I can't Gemma. Just tell Harry I'm alive and fine and that he can stop now. He'll be fine without me." I hear her sigh. "You know damn well that's not true! Just let him come see you and try to apologize. And if you still don't want to see him then so be it."
"Sorry, Gemma. I can't. Goodbye." I hang up on her, not wanting her to try and talk me into anything. The next phone call comes from Anne, Harry seeming to have given up now. "Hello Anne, I appreciate the concern. I'm fine. It was lovely to get to know you. I'll miss you but I'm okay. Pass that to Harry."
I hear Anne sniffle quietly before she says anything. "Harry isn't here, lovely. I've been worried about you. Where are you?" She sounds genuinely concerned so I tell her, just nothing specific. "I'm in a hotel downtown. But I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I'm not important."
"Like hell you aren't! My son is killing himself over this. Don't say you're not important. He's a mess, Sadie. I've never seen him like this. I worry." I'm getting angry and I almost hang up but I stop myself. "Yeah well did your son tell you he called me a whore? Or that he told me he didn't know what kind of person I was or that he didn't know if he trusted me? So think of how I feel. I love your son more than my life, but I cannot be with someone who calls me a name like that. He ruined this, not me. So call and yell at him!"
She's quiet and again I almost hang up. "He didn't tell me he called you that, I'm so sorry." I think she's crying. "I'm not telling you to just instantly forgive him. But I know you love him and I know he loves you. Don't throw that away. Love is about fighting to be together and sometimes you're fighting the one you love. Let him fix this. Don't let him off the hook, but give him a chance." I hum a response and tell her I have to go, hanging up and crying again. I fall asleep without realizing I'm tired.
•••
I wake up to a text and what sounds like a knock on my door. I check the text first.
Sadie. I found where you are. I'm coming for you. Please talk to me.
I see it was sent twenty minutes ago and the knocking is now getting louder. It's most likely Harry, but the fight is out of me. So I move to answer. The closer I get, I can hear Harry. "Sadie, I know you're here. Come on, answer the door." And I do.
"Why are you here Harry? How did you find me?" I make no move to let him in. I can tell he's been crying. "I couldn't lose you so I tracked you down. Can I please come in?" I nod, moving aside to let him in. I sit on a chair, much like the showdown with Robert, and don't allow him space to sit near me.
"Sadie. Please listen to me. I am so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I'll admit when I saw the text I was angry but I should have known. Deep down I did. But I'm insecure about things. He's older, he has a normal life. He's tried to take you from me before. I just couldn't handle it. I'm so sorry Sadie. I've never been more sorry for anything in my life. I understand why you left. But please, please come home."
I watch him as he talks, the way his eyes are red and his face is blotchy. His mouth does this little quiver thing when he's upset and I watch it do it now. "Harry, you called me a whore! How do you ever expect me to forget that?"
"I don't. But I'm hoping you'll forgive me. I didn't mean it. You know I didn't. I don't. I love you more than life itself and I can't believe I said that to you. I've never loved someone like this and felt like I could lose them. I didn't handle it well, I know."
Our eyes lock and we simply stare at each other. I can tell he's sincere and I know he feels horrible. But there are some things I need to say. "You can't let being insecure make you treat me badly. Imagine if I did that, I'd be horrible to you. I'm insecure every day. You're around models and musicians and young girls every single day. I'm in constant fear of someone being better for you than me. But I love you, too."
He sighs and smiles at me, motioning me to come sit with him. I go, not allowing myself to be angry anymore. He pulls me into his lap, hugging me while nuzzling into my neck. "I'm so sorry, Sadie. I really am. I'll spend forever making it up to you."
I just nod, drained again and feeling tired. I pull Harry to my bed, sliding in and motioning for him to follow me. He holds me, kissing my shoulder lightly. "This can't ever happen again, Harry. Another thing like yesterday and I'm gone for good."
"I know baby. I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise." I nuzzle into his chest, happy he's here with me. I close my eyes but feel him moving around slightly. "What you doing?" I ask with my eyes still closed. "I'm texting mum and Gem to let them know you're alright. They were worried about you." I nod and listen to his heartbeat. Hopefully when I wake up it'll be like the last two days never happened. That would be perfect.