Be My Girlfriend

58

Hailey's P.O.V. (Bonus)

I know what I've done, and I know it was wrong.

But what else can I do?

Seeing Brittany with Jo every day—it hurts.

There's something in the way Brittany looks at her. A softness. A glow. She never looked at me like that... not even when we were together years ago.

I didn't fight with my parents, push my way back here, to sit on the sidelines and watch Brittany be taken from me by her.

Today, at the bleachers, I saw Jo again. She sat there quietly, eyes fixed on the game. There was this longing in her—like she wanted to be out there with us, like she was holding something back. 

I almost felt sorry for her. 

Almost.

But then Brittany showed up. She went right to Jo, said something to her, and made her smile. They stayed and watched a bit, and then they left together. Just like that.

It's like I'm watching the life I wanted disappear, frame by frame, and I can't rewind.

I stayed behind after practice, just staring at the empty field. The echo of laughter, running feet, and the soft thud of the ball hitting skin still lingered in the air, but everyone else was gone.

Just me. And the guilt sits heavy in my chest.

I didn't mean for it to go that far.

It was just a nudge.

A petty, jealous moment.

I never thought Jo would actually fall like that. 

Never thought I'd hear her body thud against the ground. 

Didn't think she'd scream like that.

Never imagined the whole field would freeze, or that Brittany would scream her name and drop everything to get to her.

I just wanted her out of the picture. That's it.

Not... this.

Now she's out of the game for the rest of the season. Probably the rest of the school year. Her scholarship? Hanging by a thread. And Brittany, well... she hasn't left her side since.

She walks with her across campus, slow and steady, like Jo's made of glass. She helps her get up, tucks her crutches under her arm, and carries her backpack like it's hers.

But it's not real. It can't be.

Brittany's playing her. That's what Gizelle and the girls said. It's all a setup. A game. Make Jo fall hard, and then crush her when she least expects it.

Classic Brittany.

That's what I keep telling myself. That's what I'm supposed to believe.

And I do.

Mostly.

But sometimes, I wonder.

She let Jo stay with her for days after the injury. Took care of her, fed her, probably slept next to her. Even helped her in the shower, if the rumors are true.

Would you do that for someone you're faking it with?

No.

But maybe Brittany's just that committed to the act.

Maybe that's how far she's willing to go to make Jo believe in something that isn't real... just so she can take it all away.

That has to be it.

Right?

Except... sometimes I catch Brittany looking at Jo when she thinks no one's watching.

And it doesn't look fake.

It looks tender. Soft. Careful.

I tell myself it's all an act. That Jo's just another name on the list, Brittany will cross out when she gets bored.

But I'm not so sure anymore. And that scares the hell out of me.

I love Brittany.

I know I left, but it's not my choice, plus, I was so young, all I did was follow my parents.

But not now. It's different now.

I'm gonna get her back, I know I will.

I'm not a bad person. I'm just in love. 

Is that even an excuse for what I did to Jo?

I guess it depends on people's perspective, I mean, we're all different. Some people do terrible things, but it doesn't mean they are bad people, right?

I can't take it back. I can't undo it. I can only sit with it, try to live with it. Try to justify it to myself in the dead of night when I can't sleep and my chest aches like it's splitting open.

I want to tell Brittany the truth. About everything. About what I did, about why I did it. About how sorry I am. But every time I would try to, the words die in my throat. 

Because what if she looks at me and sees a monster?

What if she never speaks to me again?

I want her to know that I didn't plan it. It wasn't this calculated thing. It was heat and impulse, and this awful twist in my stomach that I couldn't breathe through. 

And yeah, I know that doesn't excuse it.

But I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't thinking at all.

Would she believe me? Would she accept it?

But wait...

She's pretending to like Jo, so it shouldn't matter, right?

I mean, she's been doing this to a lot of kids here in school.

God, I'm so confused.

I don't know what to think anymore, what to believe in.

Maybe I should speak to Brittany.

Yes, that's what I will do.

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