Everything Went Last

Phase 18

Phase 18

While I was packing my things for my leave. I message Aaron for this that I'll be gone for a week or so. It was indefinite...

Me:
Hello! I just want to inform you. I'll be on leave. I will go to Puerto Galera. I might not be messaging anyone when I get there. Gusto ko muna mapag-isa, maybe when I come back, I'll tell you why.

After I sent the message. I received a message from him asking why.

Aaron:
Huh? What am I missing something? Why are you going there?

Agad din itong tumawag sa akin. Kaya dali ko itong sinagot.

"Hi," bati ko sa kanya habang tinitingnan ang mga gamit ko.

"Why are you going to Puerto Galera?" He asked with pure curiosity.

I was silent for a bit and sighed.

"It was unplanned, actually," I stopped a little thinking about this trip I'd be exploring. It was no doubt that it was intriguing because of why it was so sudden. But again, I was in the loop these days. I can't just be staying put in my apartment. Mas lalo akong nababahag dahil doon.

"I needed this," sabi ko at dinilian ang aking labi. I closed my eyes and opened it again. Marahan akong bumuntong hininga.

"It was so sudden," he probed. "Ano'ng gagawin mo roon? And what do you mean you need this? Are you okay?"

I breathed heavily. Parang may bumundol sa puso ko. Am I okay?

Simpleng tanong iyon pero hirap na hirap akong sagutin. I feel so out that I had to think again. I requested for a leave because I'm having trouble with my work. Ganoon din sa kung ano ang nararamdaman ko.

Tumikhim ako saglit bago sumagot. "I'm okay. I guess," answering his question. I was biting my lower lip, not wanting to say another word.

I admit, I have realized things, but would that suffice the things I'm doing lately? Of course not! It was worse to even think about it. I want to straighten my mind and make things go with the flow as possible here I am, in doubt, and don't even know how to make a move.

It was also bad that I didn't tell anyone what it felt like. Ayoko naman na pasanin nila kung anumang mabigat na pasanin ko. I can't progress on how I will move forward because the very first thing I did was run away with it.

"It is so sudden. Bakit?" Nahihimigan ko ang pagtataka sa kanyang boses.

"I needed a break from work," I said openly because it's been days since this thing was bugging me.

"Huh?"

"I need this break because work has not been so progressive..." Not just work but how I treat people around me.

Being self-aware and doing the other way around is not a good combo-it is like you're doing it because of incompetency. Mabigat na nga sa nagdaang linggo na pati relasyon ko sa ibang tao ay nag-iiba. I want to have this break to think.

Kaya ko naman kahit hindi ako pumunta roon ngunit kailangan ko nang isang lugar na malayo sa ganito.

"Okay," ani niya sa mababang boses.

"I also will go offline for a week," I said to let him know.

I want to go there completely just with myself, and I need this detox. Baka sakaling mas maayos akong makapag-isip. I rarely open my phone, yes, but I won't completely out. I don't want to ghost anyone with this, and he is my boyfriend he needs to know this.

Ang hipokito ko talaga... I can tell this plan, but what I feel the past weeks wasn't revealed. It is this bad.

Pinikit ko ang aking mata at muling minulat ito.