Everything Went Last

Phase 21

Phase 21

It was so uncalled. But walking inside our building with dreading heart pains me. As my heels click on the floor.

I wore a monochromatic dark brown long-sleeved, high-neck top and matched it with wide-leg trousers. Also, I'm wearing my stilettos. My hair is up in a knot bun. As my round hoop earrings are on their side.

Bihis na bihis na para bang hindi mag-re-resign.

Holding my resignation letter in my envelope. For sure, Mr. Avanzado received it already. But I also have to give him the formal letter. I know, I still have things to fix, and I will ask permission to at least do it.

Yesterday I ended something so dear to me. I ended my long-term relationship so that we would be saved from more pain. Alam ko ako lang ang nagdesisyon para doon pero hindi naman kayang hilahin pa siya pababa. I don't know if he wanted to be dragged by me in the mud. But I can't do it.

Ayoko.

He is more than what his love for me is. He has settled for so long. I gave him my best, but weighing things from another perspective it was he who showed more.

I know I hurt him so much with this. Aware ako ro'n pero 'yon naman talaga tama. Masakit mang aminin pero nagawa ko na.

Naglakad na ako patungo sa aking desk. Hihingi pa ako ng palugit bago ako tuluyang mag-resign. I have to make up with my mishaps.

"Mornin," tikhim ni Chloe sa akin.

"Hi," bati ko sa kanya.

"Kumusta bakasyon?"

Napatigil ako sa pag-aayos ng aking lamesa ko. Sa totoo lang ay maayos naman at masaya dahil nakapagliwaliw ako ngunit kapalit noon ay ang hindi ko inaasahan O inaasahan ko na ngunit hindi naman ako handa na tanggapin iyon.

Ngumiti ako ng kaunti, "Maayos lang naman."

"You enjoyed it?"

Tumango ako 'tsaka ngumiti. Ngunit sa loob-loob ko ay napipiraso na ako. Nanginginig na rin ang labi ko dahil hindi ko na alam kung ano ba dapat mararamdaman ko.

Should I be hurt for a thing I have done?

"Saan ka ba pumunta?" Curious na tanong niya sa akin.

"Sa Puerto Galera," I answered.

She's in awe when I say where I went. Of course, Puerto Galera is majestic, and the blues make me feel light at some point.

Matagal kaming nag-usap tungkol sa aking leave at kung anu-ano ang ginawa ko ng wala ako rito. I looked at the clock. It was still early. Baka mamaya pa si Mr. Avanzado.

"What happened while I'm away?" I asked curiously to know what I could do.

"Wala naman masiyado," saad niya saka humilig sa kanyang swivel chair. Tumitig siya sa akin. "'Yong usual lang. Bakit?"

"I want to make up for the performance I did lately." I quietly muttered.

I'm very embarrassed and feel sorry for what I have been doing lately. Lalo na at alam kong sila ang sumasalo sa akin. Swerte ko nga sa kanila, e. The least thing I can do is to make up for it before letting this team go.

She stared at me weirdly. Parang hindi niya ma-point out kung ano man ang gusto niyang sabihin. Bumukas ang kanyang bibig 'tsaka nakaturo sa akin ang kanyang dali at muli itong isinara. She then put her finger down that pointing at me. Bumuntong hininga lang siya saglit at muli akong tiningnan.

"May nararamdaman ako..." ani niya. "What do you mean by that?"

Natahimik ako dahil sa kanyang tanong. I feel so numb, but I had to say it, too. Kung gaano ko kadaling sabihin iyon. Gano'n din dapat dito.