Everything Went Last

Phase 22

Phase 22

"Ano 'yon?" Nagtatakang saad ko.

It was strange, but it hang in me. It was weird encountering with him. I just shrugged my shoulder and continued painting.

Sa bawat hagod ng pinta sa canvas ay ang siyang paghagod din ng aking kaisipan. Dalawang linggo nakalipas nagmula ang lahat ng nangyari.

"Is this how things start?" I asked myself.

I felt freshly out.

S'yempre kagagaling ko lang sa isang break-up at kaka-resign pa. I feel lost upstate at the moment, but I want it here.

It was grounding ending things and I can't possibly take a grasp as of the moment. It doesn't feel awful, but it is feels strange. The route is still new for me.

Naninibago pa ako sa lahat. Mula kase nang matapos ang lahat ay maraming bagay na ang nangyari. Sailing my own boat is scary, but steady. It also waivering me. Prinoproseso ko pa ang lahat ng nangyayari.

I asked permission to my friend to let me find my footing first before I contact them again.

I didn't blocked Aaron, but also I'm not answering to his calls and messages. Kasi alam ko naman he's asking for me. He is the most affected.

"Nasaktan ko siya," I said acknowledging what I have done two weeks ago. "He is begging me to go back to him." I said still knowing the pain I've.

So, I told my friend to look for him. It cannot compensate the thing I have done. It was a harsh truth in my side. But I want him to heal, as I heal also.

I let him do it. But I don't want him to have hope if I reply. Him needing a closure will come soon. Kailangan ko munang panindigan ito.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanila na lalayo muna ako. Gano'n din kay Mommy.

Nang malaman ni Kitana ang nangyari ay sobrang galit siya sa akin. Siya rin ang isa sa pinaka-apektuhan.

"Ate naman," iyak niya sa akin. "That's my Kuya."

My sister was so devastated with the news because Aaron also become a safe space for her like me. Lumaki siyang nakita kung paano ang relasyon namin.

"How dare you breaking his heart!" She said crying. "Why would you do that ate? Marami namang paraan bakit iyon pa?"

She is so frustrated with what she discovers. I nodded at her. Alam ko naman na marami talagang paraan pero alam kong darating kami sa puntong ito. Kaya naman ay ginawa ko na.

"I know," acknowledging her anger.

"Alam mo naman pala, ate," she spite. "Then why did you do it? Baka magsisi ka ate." Hagulgul niya.

I shook my head and smiled to her sadly, "Kitana, I won't promise. Let me handle it."

"Ate, alam kong kaya mo, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit..."

"You don't have to understand it," I said quietly. "Maybe in time?"

Sobrang iyak pa rin niya at galit pa rin siya dahil do'n.

"Make sure of that, Ate," she said. "Because if not, I will hold grudges. I don't have the right to meddle, but I want to comprehend."

"Shh, you will," pag-alo ko sa kanya.

It was still heated that up until now she still doesn't look at me. Naiintindihan ko naman 'yon. He is her big brother for the past years and suddenly learning about our break up.

"Kumain ka na 'te," malamig na saad niya.

"Kitana," saway ni Mommy sa kanya.

I looked at Mommy, "Let her, Mommy." Sabi ko dahil alam ko naman na magagalit talaga siya kasi sinabihan ako na hindi dapat ako gagawa ng isang desisyon na pagsisihan ko.