What Not to Do With your Stories + Other Randomness

The "Orphan" and her "Adoptive parents"

She always loses her parents to something horrible and very unrealistic. 

For example: I was in a car crash with my whole family but I was the only one who survived.

I was abandoned in a wolf pack.

Umm... I don't know about you...  Nope, not what I wanted to say. I don't know about you but these sound really far fetched. Anyone with me? No? *cries behind dumpster* 

My adoptive parents have locked me in a basement for 19 years and I have to do all of the work and stuff around here.

I have to take care of all of my foster siblings because I am the oldest. I'm also allowed to go outside and hang out with my invisible friends.

Are you serious? Sounds like you have much more freedom then I do! "I'm also allowed to go outside..." Hmmph -.-

RING! My alarm rings and I get up from my bed while the sunlight streams through the transparent windows. I look around my bedroom, it's so cozy and I do NOT live in a basement. 

Umm... You just said you lived in a basement like what? 3 paragraphs ago? *shakes head sadly* LIES!

I don't have any friends because I wear rags to school, they make fun of me because of that. Tomorrow, we're all going on a field trip to Disney Land. I'm not sure if my 'parents' can pay for it though, I doubt they'll let me go. They'll probably smack me.

Next Day: Of course you can go honey! and we'll also give you this nice dress that cost a million dollars and these beautiful earrings that cost 3 million dollars! 

Well... that went well. (I doubt your 'parents' are as bad as you make them out to be)

MY HORRIBLE FOSTER DAD FORGOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY AND NOW I'M GOING TO LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM AND ESCAPE THROUGH A WINDOW!

Jeez girl, calm down. It's a birthday, one birthday. Do you know what some actually abused or orphaned children go through? It's certainly worse than this.

I ESCAPED MY STUPID ROTTING ONE MILLION DOLLAR HOUSE AND MET SOME GUY ON THE STREET.

Stranger Danger. Hasn't anyone taught you that?

he put a mask over my face and I fell into a dreamless sleep. When I woke up, I was confined to a tiny room with rope binding my arms and legs. I felt very cold and looked down. I wasn't wearing any clothes except for my undies, jeans, and t-shirt...

I don't know about you... but isn't that what people normally wear? Oh, and it sucks to be you! but seriously, why'd you trust a completely random guy in the first place?

MWA HA MWA HA HA HA *chokes on evil laughter* 

I fall in love with his sparkling emerald orbs and wavy mop of blond atop his head. He kissed my stomach. 

Stockholm Syndrome much?

a week later: 'parents' are crying for their girl to come back. The police ask them a couple of questions. "Y-yes, we forgot about her birthday..." 

Police: "HOW DARE U!" gets them put in jail for the rest of their life just 'cause they forgot about their foster daughter's b-day.

10 Years later: Girl and Guy are living happily in (some far off place) and have 93 million kids and love each other and have forgotten all about the time she was kidnapped by him. When suddenly: WHY'D YA KIDNAP ME?

Guy: CAUSE I WANTED TO!

Girl: I WANT A DIVORCE! 

Girl gets half the kids, guy gets the other half.

and they all live happily ever after.

The end.