THE LAST MISSION

CHAPTER 41

I stilled. What does he mean? I slowly look up. I never mentioned that I like peonies while staying here. The moment I finally saw his face. He was smiling. My chest pounded in nervousness. Is he back?

"W-what?" My voice cracked.

Pakiramdam ko parang may bumuhos na malamig na tubig sa katawan ko. Natuod ako. And all I can think about is how he knew? I never told him that.

His smile slowly faded when he noticed my expression. Mabilis itong umiling at tinangkang hawakan ako pero mabilis ako umatras. Naiwan sa ere ang kamay niya at may bahid na sakit ang mukha nito sa pagiwas ko.

"No. I just realized you-"

"No? What do you mean by no?" Matigas kong boses. I'm so close to crying. My chest hurts like it's been stabbed a thousand times. Please God... Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me his joke.

He was about to say something, but he stopped. He looks away. And it broke my heart like he just gave me an answer. Nabitawan ko bulaklak at agad na lumayo sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko buong katawan ko ang nasasaktan. I didn't imagine looking at him could hurt this much.

"You knew..." My voice was full of pain and disbelief.

His jaw clenched. "You knew! You remember! You liar!" I shouted. My voice sounds so painful. My tears slowly fell down, just like the rain. I scoffed and sobbed.

"I'm sorry..." He said, desperate. And it hurt me more. He could have told me the truth. But he fooled me. I glared at him, with hatred and pain.

"F-for what?" I asked.

"I was scared–"

"Nonsense! You–" I sobbed. I can't talk, because it just hurts. How did this happen?

He remembers. He knew. Yet he...

"Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you so much!" I exclaimed painfully.

Umalis ako pero agad niya ako pinigilan. He hugged me. But I resist and punch his chest. I cried and pushed him away but it was too useless because he is too strong. Umiyak ako sa dibdib niya. Paano niya nagawa sakin 'to. Paano niya ako nagawang lokohin at saktan. He said he will take care of me. He will not hurt me. I trusted him. I fucking trusted him and gave him my whole.

"Please... Hear me out. Please, baby. Let me explain. Please..." He begged. Umiling ako ng paulit-ulit pero niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Like he was scared that I would leave if he let go.

"I was scared... You died right in front of me, Mylsh. So the moment Matteo told you that you were rescued, I became desperate. Desperate to bring you back into my arms, but I was also scared... Scared that you don't want me anymore."  He admitted and buried his face in my neck. He's crying. He is shaking and sobbing hard. I cried harder and covered my face with my palm

"I was ready to follow you without hesitation, mylsh. My world fell apart as I watched you get shot and drowned. I was desperate, that this time you will never leave me again... But at the same time, I have doubts if you still want me again. If you still... Need me again. I'm sorry I was a coward. I'm sorry I lied. I just... I don't want to hear you refuse. I'm scared to hear that you don't love me anymore. I can accept all the blame and anger. I can... But I can't accept when you don't love me anymore. I'm sorry... Please... Please forgive me." I sobbed harder, as I heard him confess painfully. Pinagsusuntok ko ang dibdib niya, hoping in this way he knows how it hurts me.

"Y-You actually remembered everything. Yet you fooled me. You fooled me, Gauis! You–" I bawled. I hate him.

"I'm sorry, baby. Please.... Please I'm begging you. Please don't hate me. Please don't leave me. I can't... I can't afford to lose you." He begged, desperately. Like this was his last straw.