The Stag and the Doe

Chapter Thirty-Eight- How had it Come to This?

Disclaimer: These are not my characters but I am using them to write this fanfiction. Hogwarts, the marauders and Lily, and all the magical things in this belong to Rowling.

READ BEFORE GOING ON TO THE CHAPTER:

Okay, this chapter is serious, and not Sirius serious, but really serious. I know that most of the last chapter was focused on Remus, but we're doing that again. Sorry if you expected something different but this is more of a marauders fic than a jily one and I think we all know that right?

Warnings I guess would be homophobia, depression (not from Remus), and broken hearts.
Chapter Thirty-Eight: How had it Come to This?

With tears going down his cheeks, his body aching, and weight suffocating him, Remus Lupin pounded on the door.

"C'mon, Bri. I know you're there, let me in." He said hoarsely.

A thick and gruff voice replied, "Go away Lupin. M' na in the mood for tha, don' na think I 'ver will be."

His heart thudded painfully at the use of his surname. "Brian, please. We can discuss this." Through the door, Remus heard something crash against the wall, a vase perhaps. There was muffled shouting and a figure emerged, opening the door.

A string of explanations and apologies were ready to spill from his lips until he realized, that it was Madame Pomfrey who was staring at him with her arms crossed, and slightly sympathetic brown eyes.

"He doesn't want to see you." She said simply.

Remus clenched his teeth so hard that he tasted blood. "I gathered that," he for once addressed an elder sharply. "But I need to see him. Please, just let me in. You know for a fact I wont hurt him."

She steeled her resolve with a tight expression. "Well, clearly that's a lie, Mr. Lupin."

Remus snarled, his teeth baring back and his pupils dilating inhumanly. His anger was getting the better of him, and he could practically feel the wolf's glee as in rampaged underneath his skin. The full moon that was rapidly approaching was hardly helping this case.

"That," Remus said trying to calm himself. "That was n-not my- you think I could do something like that to him? That I could ever hurt him? This-none of this was my fault! I did nothing to him! How could I ever hurt someone I love?"

Pomfrey winced at the volume of his voice and Remus swore he heard a muffled scream from Brian.

"I know, Remus." She said. "I know everything about you and I know that you could never do this to him. But, Brian needs his space right now and you did hurt him."

His anger was evaporating to misery. "Please," he said brokenly. "I need to see him. I need to talk to him."

Remus could see the conflicted emotions as clear as day on her face. He bit his already broken lip hard enough to draw blood. The tensions from his shoulders, hell, the tension from this whole week was enough to drive anyone mad. He hated himself, he hated this school, he hated its people, God he hated almost everyone right now. He hated the curious and judging looks he was getting, the whispers that followed him wherever from ghosts and people alike. He hated the smug expressions on those he consider adversaries, he hated the helpless struggle to help his friends tried to give him, he hated the teachers who either looked at him with sympathy or disgust. He hated the weight that was crushing him, the gnawing, and desperate, hungry feeling that raged through him for vengeance. He hated the heaviness of his heart and the way it beat painful tattoos against his chest. He hated the bruises that painted his body, and the pain they caused by simply moving.

This sucked.

Madame Pomfrey looked at him and said, "I'll see what I can do."

With that she closed the door with a slam, and Remus could feel all the energy slipping from the pit of his stomach, into his bones, and then out of him completely. Remus leaned his head against the wall and punched it as hard as he could. The stinging kept him from falling asleep, as he hadn't a proper nights sleep in what felt like years.