The Stag and the Doe

Chapter Twenty-Seven- Nothing to Lose

Disclaimer: Once again, I disclaim any of these characters that I have been writing about for the past year, as my own.

If you can try to listen to the music. If not, its Mr. Brightside by the Killers :/)

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Nothing to Lose

Sirius Black woke up with only two thoughts.

The first: His head was killing him! Maybe he shouldn't have had the punch...

The second: Ow, why is everything so bright? Where the hell is he and why is he almost naked?

Sirius looked down, his suit had been taken off and he was left in nothing but his socks and knickers. He searched around for his clothes on the grassy land before him. Wait, grassy? Was he outside? Sirius lifted his head and hissed at the harsh sun the glared down at his hangover unforgivingly. Bad idea, really bad idea, Sirius thought as a searing, sharp pang slapped his head. Once his eyes had adjusted to the harsh light, he regained his bearings. With his hand on his forehead and squinted eyes, he realized another two things.

The first: He was outside, in the middle of the courtyard on top of the statue.

The second: He was outside, in the middle of the courtyard on top of a statue, nearly naked with a hangover and school classmates ogled him and some even taking photos.

He groaned and ran his hands through his messy hair. Oh great, his hair was a mess too. Well, this morning was just lovely. Not only that but he was on the top of Slytherin, where Slytherin's hands were outstretched, holding Sirius like a child but, Slytherin was ugly too, with a permanent scowl etched into his face as his wand poked Sirius' side painfully. (A/N: Well that sentence sounded dirty but I'm going to roll with it) It can't get much worse than this....

"Mr. Black!"

Sirius guessed he thought too soon.

Trying to make the most of it, Sirius acted like he was comfortably resting on the statue with a killer hangover, which he really wasn't and he also doesn't suggest this to anyone. He smirked as he saw McGonagall glaring furiously at him in astonishment.

"Hullo, professor! Lovely morning isn't it?"

Her glare hardened, "It's two o'clock in the afternoon." She said dryly.

Sirius faltered a bit, "Oh, well then. Lovely afternoon isn't it? I can really feel the breeze against my-"

"DO. NOT. FINISH. THAT. SENTENCE!"

Sirius winced at the shrill sound of her shout. Rubbing his forehead miserably, he moaned in pain.

"Professor," he whispered. "Can you please speak a little lower? My head is killing me."

"NO! Now get down from there Mr. Black! You are causing a disturbance!" McGonagall exclaimed.

Wincing he said, "Professor your manners!"

"DOWN. NOW!"

Sirius looked down at her. "Close enough," he muttered realizing that McGonagall was not in the mood for pleasantries. He clambered down, trying not to break his neck whilst doing it. Once he was down he double-checked that his underwear was keeping everything behind the fabric. Okay, nothing moved while climbing, thank Merlin for boxers. But he wished he could have chosen better boxers. The ones he was wearing now, the ones everyone could see, had little dogs on them that were enchanted to chase their tails. (It had been a gift from the others as a joke) Sirius cherished them dearly but he didn't want anyone to see them. This was embarrassing.

He faced his professor, "All right, I'm down. You can relax now."

Her face was red with anger and pinched tightly. "Mr. Black," she said eerily calm. Sirius felt a shiver rack his spine. "Would you please like to tell me why you were sleeping on Salazar Slytherin's statue in nothing but your unmentionable's? And what are those on your chest and shoulder?"