Chasing Happiness: Volume 2: Yours Always (Criminal Minds: Spencer Reid Fanfic)

Part 17

Spencer pulls up outside my bank I try to get out of the car myself "Wait a second, I'll help you." Spencer says as he jumps out of the car and runs around to my side of the car to help me out.

"Thanks." I say as Spencer helps me.

"Hey, I have to be useful for something don't I?" Spencer laughs.

"Come on." I say as I loop my arm around his and make our way into the bank.

"Miss McKay, it's nice to see you again." The woman at the desk says.

"Yeah Hi, err I need to get into my safety deposit box please." I ask.

"Of course. I just need to see some ID." I take out be FBI ID and show her it. "Of course, that is more than enough, if you would like to follow me." She says as she gestures in the direction of the safety deposit box.

"Err I need to do this alone Spencer."

"But."

"No, please Spencer, I really need to get this by myself, it's personal and I don't want you to see just yet."

"I should be with you." Spencer looks torn, he wants to let me do what I need to do but he also doesn't want me to be by myself.

"I'll be fine." I smile to reassure him.

"Fine, but I'm not happy about it." Spencer pouts a little making me smile at him.

"Take a seat, I might be more than five minutes." I say before kissing him gently. I pull away and give him a smile before following the desk girl.

"Here we are Miss McKay."

"Thanks." I open the box and take out the letters, Spencer's is on top since his was the last one I wrote. "Sorry, do you have a pen?" I ask.

"Yes I do." The girl searches her pocket before handing me a pen.

"Thanks."

I stare at the letter as I think of what to say.

"Spencer, I had to amend this letter a little. So much has happened since I first wrote it. Mainly our little peanut; I can't believe she made it through everything. I know I said I would rethink my plan and I truly did. But things change.

I worked so hard to protect you guys from Alan, I never wanted any of you to get hurt and now two of you have. I know you said you would do it all over again to protect me and our baby, but the point is, you shouldn't have to. I want you to know I love you, more than I could ever express in words. You mean everything to me and I wish things could have been different. I wish we could have bought that house, decorated it to fit our family, welcomed our little Peanut into the world and watched her grow; maybe even give her a brother or sister or even both. But we both know that things don't always go to plan.

You might ask yourself why I'm did what I did, why I sacrificed myself and our baby, and to be completely honest, there is only one reason. I love you and I couldn't stand by and watch you and our team get hurt because of me. You mustn't think that this was your fault because no matter what happens none of it was because of you. It was my decision.

I watched the sister I was made to save die, I couldn't do anything against my father's abuse, I did nothing while my parents were being killed, I was thousands of miles away when the sister who saved me died, I wasn't able to save my aunt and uncle from Brendan Harper. I'm not sitting by and letting more of my loved ones get hurt, or worse killer because of me. I have to do this, for my own peace of mind if nothing else. I just wish our baby didn't have to suffer. I will do everything in my power to avoid the worst from happening, but if it comes down to it, I won't hesitate to give my life for yours and the teams. What is Hotch was hurt and Jack ended up without any parents? What if it was JJ and little Henry would have to grow up without his mother? Or Kate and  Meg would have to lose her aunt and her parents? I know how that feels, I can't put those kids through that.