Chasing Happiness: Volume 2: Yours Always (Criminal Minds: Spencer Reid Fanfic)

Part 6

"What's it gonna be Alannah?" I stare at my dad as he asks me the question.

"I want to live, isn't that obvious?" I shout, my emotions bubbling over as I fight to stay alive.

"Really? Because you haven't stabilised yet, is there a reason for that?"

"I want to live, I want to have that life with Spencer and our baby, please help me." I beg, tears filling my eyes so much that it's hard to see. I rest my forehead against the forehead of the version of myself that was lying on the table. "Fight."

The doctors shock my heart again but this time the heart monitor turns from one long, continuous tone to short beeps. "She's back, now let's find this bleed before we lose her again." The surgeon shouts.

"Well done, I always knew there was something special about you."

The words catch my attention, I look up at my dad with such a feeling of rage. "Something special? Is that why you assaulted me after Keeva died?" I was never able to get my anger out on the source of the problem. But now I had the chance and I wasn't about to let it pass.

"I didn't know how to handle it."

"You didn't? I was a kid, being blamed by my parents for not being able to save the sister I was created as spare parts for."

"I'm sorry Alannah." I've wanted to hear those words for most of my life, but they don't make me feel any better.

"You can take your apology and take a run and jump. It's too late for sorry, if I make it through this, you can bet your life I will never think about you ever again, because I'm better than that and I've managed to make a life that without you. I help people which is more than you've ever done in your life." It feels so good to get all of this off of my chest, telling him that he has no control over me. Now all I have to do is work up the courage to say this to Alan and then move on with my life.

"I still love you, even if I didn't show it, you'll always be my little girl."

"Maybe you loved me a little too much, but that doesn't matter because you don't matter. All that matters is that I get better so I can tell Alan where to go and then I can have the life I've always wanted with Spencer and our little girl." I look to the surgeons who were tying off the bleed that was causing all of this trouble. I look back to where my dad was but he wasn't there anymore. I can't help but smile, I had held onto all of that rage for most of my life, now I was finally free from it. I just had to free myself from one more person and then maybe I could finally be happy. Although deep down I hated being happy, every time things worked out and I was happy, something would come along and pull me back down to reality with a bang. I just didn't know what that could be after Alan.

***

"Any word?" Rossi asks, at least one of us had asked the same question for the last half an hour, we should have been taking bets on who would ask next.

"Not yet." Hotch answers as he comes back from asking the receptionist for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Why won't they tell us anything?" Garcia asks as she pulls yet another tissue from her bag.

"The receptionists only know what the doctors tell them baby girl." Morgan pulls Garcia into a comforting hug to try and console her.

"I need a coffee." I state as I get up and head for the coffee machine around the corner from the waiting area.

"Spence, you want some company?" JJ asks sweetly.

"No thanks, I just need to be alone right now. Err does anyone else want a coffee?" I ask, trying to be polite but really I was just fishing for an excuse to stay away from the prying eyes of the team for longer.