Not So Fine | Yoonmin

Chapter 27

Yoongi POV

I feel terrible unloading all of this onto Jimin, but I can't hold it in anymore. I've tried so hard in the last however fucking long it's been now to just give him the benefit of the doubt, to give it time for us to try and get back into the swing of things. I knew we weren't going to be able to just immediately go back to what we were, to where we were before Taemin destroyed us.

Maybe my expectations of how long it would take us to find some sort of rhythm again were unrealistic. Maybe my expectation of us being able to go back to any sort of normalcy was unrealistic. Maybe I was wrong in giving into Jimin's request.

I didn't think it'd hurt this fucking much to have him back in my life though.

I can feel him shaking underneath me, can tell he's trying hard not to, and it only scares me more. Terrifies me more for what's about to come of us. I missed him so fucking much, and I never thought I'd be in so much pain having him back in my life. Never thought I'd be so scared to lose him all over again the way I'd been that night. Though, I suppose I never really expected him to ever be back in my life either.

"I'm sorry for never asking, hyung. I'm so fucking sorry for putting you through so much pain. I promise, you could never be a burden to me, Yoongi. Never. I-I'm so fucking sorry, hyung. I don't mean not to ask about much, I don't mean to make you feel like a burden, I don't mean to keep screwing things up with you. I-I know how much pain I caused you and I know this mess we're in is all my fault. I don't want to go anywhere unless it's with you. I promise you're still everything I want, the only one I want. I-... I guess I just don't know how to approach things with you. I don't want to bring things up that's only going to hurt you. I don't want to upset you. I... I'm sorry for not being what you've needed me to be, hyung. I just don't want to bring you more pain than what I've already done, and I guess I just don't know what will and won't hurt you, so I don't ask as much. I promise though, Yoongi. I promise you're not a burden and I promise I still want you and everything that comes with you."

His voice is shaking just as much as mine had, can hear the wheezy breaths he sucks in as he tries to get it all out. It only leaves me crying harder, feeling even worse, hating to find us in such a position as this. I know where we're at nowadays is partially my own fault, partially due to what I've done to myself, and I hate that. I hate myself for it.

"I just need to know that you still care, Jiminie. You never ask about anything anymore, you never wear the ring. I-I feel like we're just hiding from us, from our relationship." I manage to utter, hating that we're both in as much pain as we are, but grateful for the confirmation from him that he still wants this. He still wants me.

"I... admittedly, I was still hoping you would actually ask me, that you'd actually propose... I guess that's not really fair to you though, after everything. You-you were the one that was there, that was waiting for me, not the other way around. You-you were the one who was still certain of me..."

I feel him pull away from me at this, forcing me to pull away and look up at him. I watch in confusion as I reaches over to the bedside table drawer where I know he's kept the ring, head tilted with even more tears as he pulls the drawer open. I don't miss the fact that his cheeks are as drenched with tears as mine are, watching as he pulls the velvety box from the drawer before shakily handing it to me once more. I just quirk an eyebrow at him, watching as he moves his hand down to within my reach, causing me to realize what he's doing.

That he's simply hoping at this point that I'll place it on him, even if I'm no longer up to asking the question. I can see the worry in his own eyes, the hope that I'm still wanting this as much as he is, and there's a certain kind of relief that floods me in knowing that he's been just as worried about us as I've been. I can hardly breathe as I take the box from him, hands shaking horribly as I open it and pull the ring from it, glancing up in his direction once more. There's a wobbly smile to his face this time, tears still flooding his cheeks as he gives me a nod, enough for me to shakily, carefully slide the metal onto his finger. It fits perfectly, just as I'd hoped it would nearly a year ago when I'd bought it, a shaky smile pulling onto my lips as I chance another look up at the younger's face.

There's hardly a second that passes of the ring being on his finger before I feel his lips against mine, so much fucking emotion in the kiss as both our lips tremble against the others. It has me feeling a million times better about everything already, so much emotion flooding into this as our lips carefully, uncertainly, moving against each others.

I find myself shifting positions, cautiously moving myself to be up closer to where he'd been so that he's not leaned down so much, though I don't get far as his arms wrap around my torso to pull me back down to him. Our cheeks are drenched all the while, our tears mingling together. The moment my body collapses back down onto his, his hands are finding their way to my cheeks, cupping my face ever so carefully, with such gentleness and such care as though I could break if handled unkindly at this point.

There's so much love in his touch though, so much care, so much emotion - there's no argument as to whether this, whether I'm, what he wants anymore or not. There's no question as to where his intentions have been, explaining everything that neither of us have managed to say yet.