Not So Fine | Yoonmin

Chapter 28

Jimin POV

By the time we're both pulling away from the kiss, we're both severely out of breath, both our cheeks absolutely soaked with tears, but I can already see how much better he's feeling. I can't lie and say I'm not ecstatic to be wearing the ring either though, feeling terrible that that alone had been enough to cause us both even half the pain we'd both been in. I know it doesn't solve everything though, know we're not totally mended yet. I suspect that's something that'll take time, but I know this conversation isn't over yet.

"Hyung, what can I do? What do you need from me? I-I thought everything I was doing was the right thing, giving you the time and space that I thought you needed, giving you the privacy of the doctors visit, all of it. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I understand that I'm not, that I haven't been. Everything I'd been doing was based off assumptions, and-and that clearly wasn't working. So... what do you need from me? What can I do to make things better?" I manage to ask, knowing that this is the right next step, that we need to have this part of the conversation.

I don't want to keep making assumptions. They haven't gotten us anywhere. Haven't done anything but cause us both more pain. I want to do and be who and what he needs for however much longer I have him, no matter what that takes.

"I just... I need to know that you care. You don't ask about anything anymore and I'm afraid of being a burden, Jiminie. I know this damned disease is a burden enough, and I don't want to add to that. I don't want to drag you down further than I already am. You seem more than content to just stay in bed with me each day, never suggest going out, and I'm afraid of asking that of you when I know what my situation bodes. If you don't want to go out anymore with me and let the world know that we're back together, I can't blame you when I know I have limited time. It hurts though. It hurts feeling like a burden, like a bad secret. I don't want to push you and make you uncomfortable though, especially when I know this entire situation has been less than ideal from the start."

Yoongi's energy drops significantly in the span of time that he's speaking, emotions seeming to drop with it, any and all good feelings from the kiss and the ring seeming to deflate in a heartbeat. It has my heart dropping in my chest all over again as well, lips trembling and tears forming once more, hating that I've unintentionally created so much pain and damage for us.

"I'm so sorry, Yoon. I never meant to make you feel like a burden or a bad secret, baby. I promise that was never what it was. I-I've been afraid to ask you about things because I don't want to hurt you or bring up topics that'll only make you upset or hurt. I-I've not made any suggestions for us to do much because I don't know what you're up to or willing to do and I didn't want to push you. I didn't want to ask questions or make suggestions that were only ultimately going to leave you feeling worse off, even if it wouldn't be my intention for that to be the case. It was never because you felt like a burden though, hyung. You've never been a burden and you certainly aren't a bad secret either, baby. I promise."

Getting the words out is harder than it should, my throat tight once more from trying to choke back the tears and sobs that are ready to shake my entire being. He lifts his head at my words though, gaze flickering up to meet mine, a shaky smile tugging at his lips. His cheeks are still being overrun with tears themselves, and I find myself reaching my hands up to his cheeks so that I can begin trying to wipe them away.

It's Yoongi who leans up to initiate the kiss this time, motions slower than before, the kiss calmer than before, but it has me feeling better about us already. There's a certain energy radiating off of Yoongi this time, our bodies almost feeling like they mold together as our lips move slowly and softly against each others, a certain kind of settledness that would be suffocating if it weren't reassuring.

It's enough to let me know that we're going to be okay, as long as I can stick to what I've said, as long as I show him that I'm serious, that I meant what I'd said, that I'm going to do something about what we've discussed this morning. This is the closest I've felt like we've been to where we were all those months ago, and it's a feeling I refuse to let go of, a feeling that I'll make damned sure I do everything in my power to keep it around.