Lonely eyes

Chapter 12

Colton P.O.V
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Her wet hair damps my shoulder as she sits on my lap with just a towel on, I try to keep my mind off of what's under that towel and focus on bandaging her left arm. She whimpers and pulls away from me as I wrap the white bandage around her bicep tightening it, " I know baby try to hold still." I look up at her and see her eyes watering as she nips at her bottom lip, I sigh and let go of the bandage just letting it hang then wrapping my arms around her stomach and across her shoulders pressing her back into my chest.

" I'm sorry baby." I press my index finger to her chin turning her mouth to mine, I look into her eyes before kissing her slowly and softly, " I hate seeing you in pain, but baby it's gonna hurt before it can get better... I have to wrap it or it could get infected."

She nods and sniffles, "I know baby.." She whispers her voice soft and small. I nod and bit my lip as my mind begins to take control of all the things I want to do to her, her body only being one little towel away from my touch. I shake my head trying to clear it as I begin to wrap her arm again.

Five minutes or so later her arms wrapped, I let the rest of the bandages fall to the floor no longer able to control my body I wrap my arms around her waist picking her up and laying her on her back, I begin to kiss her neck slowly and run my hand down her right arm and hold her hand, she sighs as I begin to whisper against the sensitive skin, " you're a work of art, you're beautiful and you're an artist you paint this world and you draw the stars, you live on this wire that excites and scares me all at the same time." I kiss her collar bone as she breathes out heavy with pleasure.

"I'm a broken mirror and a damaged artist." She said taking her right hand and moving it beside her head, I press my weight onto my left hand beside her left shoulder hovering over her as my eyes scan her towel covered body, " baby an artist must know suffer for the art, it's why it's called pain-ting." I say as I reach her eyes, the look in them I could only describe as lust, passion.

She leans up, her lips crashing into mine and as she pulls away I rest my head against hers, "I love you baby" she says before kissing me all over again. I feel her heart against my chest as she pulls at my shirt, I smile taking it off before taking my finger and running it through the folding of her towel pulling it open exposing her body. I'm hesitant to let my eyes leave hers and wonder across her body I lean down and kiss her stomach and chest it's like I can't breathe without this, with out her touch and I get scared, i don't know if I started this I could stop if she asked.. I jump back feeling so overwhelmed and out of control I stand at the end of my bed my chest raising and falling with heavy breathes it's such a rush and all my body screams for is for me to go back to her to touch her.

My eyes are filled with need and I know it, I probably look crazy to her as my eyes roam across her stomach and legs, I turn my back to her blinking the tears of anger and need from my eyes as I pick my shirt off the ground and grab the door, "I... I have to go get my mom.." I just leave her there hating myself for this.. I've never been so scared of myself like this before, and i hope she'll understand.

Alex P.O.V

I grab the towel off the bed completely lost on what just happened, what's wrong with me? Am I that ugly, did I fuck it up..  I can't catch my breath as the monster of anxiety wraps it's nails around my lungs and voices out my thoughts. I stand up holding the towel tight around me, my cheek becoming damp fast with tears and the monster whispers the wrong things into my head everything moving to fast I can't breathe I find myself on the ground next to the door.

I scream trying to get air into my dried out lungs I claw at my throat trying desperately to get the ten ton weight off my chest, the voice in my head screams at me, "your such a fuck up!" "God you do nothing right." "Your so ugly no ones ever gonna love you!!" "Haha look at you first your dad kills himself to get away from you, your step mom tried killing you, and now even your boyfriend can't stand to be around you." "You need to die!!"

James come through Colton's door and he's talking to me but I don't hear anything he's saying, just my screams and sobs and the way I feel claustrophobic as I pick and rip off the white bandage around my arm. James sits next to me pulls me into him holding me as I sob and pull away from his arms, "what's wrong with me!" I scream tears drowning my words and soaking my face, "what's wrong with me.." I whisper collapsing into his arm and it's the first time I can hear what he's saying.

"Hey hey, shh it's gonna be okay hey calm down." He pets my hair and begs for me to stop but I can't I'm not in control of the movements, I sob "I I can't" I bring my hands to my face running them down and clawing at my throat. James leaves me on the floor and comes around grabbing my wrist, "stop." He says forcefully, gaining my attention as he pulls me to my feet. "You need to breathe, come on breathe" he says with a more soft tone.

My knees give out and he catches me holding me up, I sob again "I'm I... I'm sorry" my words hitched in my throat "it's ok come on" he lifts me up and we shuffle out of the room. My legs too weak to hold my own body weight so I lean into James tears have yet to stop rolling down my face. We head down the stairs and he sits me on the couch, I lay down bringing my hands to my chest as I focus on my breathing as I sniffle every once in awhile.

James walks back from the kitchen with a glass of water, he says "now please calm down and tell me what happened." He looks so concerned the same look my father got when I had anxiety attacks like this, a feeling of warmth as if my farther was right there beside me crouched down exactly like James is now comes over me and it makes easier for me to catch my breathe and to talk to him, to explain.