Freedom

Not Getting Better

I constantly thought throughout the night, of how my life will be after I leave this hospital, and my life with children. Bruno came in first thing in the morning to be with me and the children. We always held one of each child, and we occasionally switched.

Bruno walked in and greeted me, and his newborns. "Babe, which one do you want? Journee or Peter?" Bruno asked. "None." I said. "Okay..." Bruno picked up Peter, and sat in the corner. "Did you sleep well?" Bruno asked. "Could've been better." I said in a dull tone.

"Crys? Are you okay? You seem, agitated." Bruno said. "I'm fine." "Are you sure?" "YES!" I snapped. A nurse walked in, and greeted Bruno and I. "Ma'am are you hungry? Would you like any thing to eat or drink?" "No." I said. "Okay." The nurse said, and later walked out.

"Crystal, something is wrong. Please, just tell me." Bruno asked sincerely. My eyes filled with tears, and the tears washed my cheeks. "I don't know what wrong with me." I sobbed. Bruno was absolutely confused. "What do you mean?" "There are so many emotions going through my mind, you just won't understand." I continued to cry. "Babe, I couldn't understand, if you don't tell me what is bothering you."

"Ugh, just leave it Bruno. Okay?" I said drying my tears. "Crystal, you're not acting like yourself." Bruno said. "I've never been myself, I've been that girl, who I've always wanted to be. I'm a fake, the whole world knows it Bruno." "Why would you say that?" "Because it's the truth. I can't sleep at night because I think too much. I can't bond with my children, because I don't have the appetite for food, so I don't have energy. When you go on tour, you're going to find someone else, and forget about me." "Crystal, how could I forget a perfect woman? A woman who has given me a perfect life? Don't feel like you will be lonely because you're not." Bruno said.

I folded my arms, and looked the other way. "Crystal." Bruno said. "Crystal!" Bruno raised his voice. Bruno stood, up, and put Peter back into the incubator. "I know what the problem is now." Bruno said. Bruno walked out of the room and called for a doctor.

I began to hear Bruno speaking with a doctor. Minutes later, Bruno and the doctor came into my room. "She seems iritable?" The doctor asked. "Yes." "She is having mood swings?" "Yes." "Difficulty bonding with her children?" "Yes." "Well, this looks like a case of Postpartum Depression." The doctor said.

"What the hell is that?" I asked. "Postpartum depression, is a depression that occurs after childbirth. Mood swings, intense irritability, difficulty bonding with the child, are main sources of this depression. She will have to take medication for it, but it won't last long." The doctor said. "Thank you doctor." Bruno said. "I'll get the medication for you."

"See babe, I knew you weren't acting like yourself. You have to be strong baby. Okay? For me. For Peter and Journee. For yourself!" Bruno grabbed my hand. "I just want the life I never had." I said. "Having me, and them. That's all you'll ever need Crystal. I love you." Bruno kissed my lips. "Don't give up, because that's what the world wants you to do. Prove them wrong."