Will You Be Mine Again?

Legit Entry #11

1st December, 2014.
07.10 pm

Dear Diary,

Today's day was pretty good. I could concentrate in class because there was no Puneet. Otherwise, my attention is always fixed on him. :p He will be back day after tomorrow. Today, after college, I had gone to eat 'pani puri' with Swara after a long time.

You know, I'm so tensed and scared all of a sudden. :( What if he don't love me because I'm a little fat? He told me a few days ago, that he likes slim girls and that I will have to reduce my weight. I'm trying my best to lose some weight, but unfortunately, I think I've made no progress at all. Sometimes, I wonder if I face an accident and get myself scarred, will he love me then?

I don't wanna hurt him, but this thing have been troubling me since noon. I'm doing skipping, going for walks plus some exercises, too, to become slim. I used to think that love is something which makes each other more supportive and less judgmental about each other. Here, everything's different.

He judges me way too much now-a-days. What I'm wearing, what I'll be wearing, my looks, etc are judged by him.

Look, I don't want him to read any of these because he'll get hurt. I only don't want him to leave. :(

I want him to stay with me forever. I want to hold his hand and stand beside him in our good times, and bad times. I want to comfort him when he's sad and kiss him when he's happy. I want to tell him that I love him a million times in a day to make him smile. I want to lay on his shoulder and hear him breath. I want to stay close to his chest to listen to his heartbeats. I want to kiss his forehead and make him sleep.

I want him so bad. Love is not like those fairytale. Love is tough for both of us in reality. Whatever the situation might be, you won't lose hope and let go. You'll struggle hard and come out of it.

I love you so much, Puneet.

Yours,
Rishika :)