Jug and Finesse

Dolor

| Multimedia: Shantii |

JAYLON 

Tears streamed down my face as I lifted Shantii into my arms and ran to the car. I slid into the backseat with her and held her head up. Devonte was going above the speed limit to get us to the hospital but it still felt like he was going too slow. Quinn had the cleaning crew on the phone to cleanup but everything was just background noise. 

I looked down at her and cradled her to my chest. I prayed that she would be okay, she was all I fucking had. Never have I loved a female more than Shantii and that's scary to think of, especially when your own mother's included. I didn't know what to do but cry and pray. If she left me, I don't think I could live. What the fuck is life without her? My joy, happiness and love would leave with her. 

I tried to reminisce on the good times, back to when I was fucking left and right, never settling. But Shantii taught me how to calm down. Her smile, her beautiful face, everything about her that made me wait on her. And I waited. I waited long enough to fall in love with her way before she opened her legs to me. I thought of our first kiss, first time, first argument, first time I really grew comfortable with. Just thinking about all of the shit we went through had me bawling in tears.

I wasn't stable enough to hold her up but I managed. I pressed my finger against the bullet hole in her head and cried. I cried freely, not caring about how they saw me. My heart was leaving me and I couldn't do shit but sit and watch her. "Fucking drive faster!" I yelled. Devonte pushed the gas as we flew into the gates of the hospital. Immediately, Quinn jumped out of the car and opened the door on my side. He wanted to grab Shantii but I held onto her.

Diamond called attention to some of the MIT's walking along the hospital's door. "Please! Help us, please please!" she yelled and they rushed over. I reluctantly let her go and they placed her on the stretcher. They led her away and I followed them, trying to get answers. "Will she be okay?" I asked, desperately looking down at her as they zoomed down the hall. "Too soon to tell," the lady answered, out of breath as she side stepped me and closed the door of the operating room behind them.

I stepped back and ran my fingers through my scalp. "Fuck!" I yelled, watching the doctor close the curtains. I beat my fist against the wall until my knuckles were bloody and I was sure my hand was broken. Devonte and Quinn tried to calm me down but I couldn't. "Jaylon," Quinn rest his hand on my back. I shook him off but looked up to see him crying too. It was too much.

I crouched to the floor and bawled, ugly sobs escaping, sobs that I didn't try to hide. It was my fault. I don't know why I let Shantii come in the first place. I should've known she would do some dumb shit like jump in front of a bullet for me. I couldn't live this life without her, that was my everything. Without her, I had nothing. My eyes overflowed as I thought of it.

People talk about how they gon' ride for you, but for them to put their words into actions and prove to you how much you really mean to them, that shit just means the world to me. She put her life in jeopardy for me. I wasn't worth it, God knows I wished it was me instead of her. I was crazy head over fucking heels for her, what would I do without her? My phone started ringing. I looked down and read the caller ID. Keshina.

I answered it and tried to clear my voice but my mouth was too sticky. "Y'all taking too long, where the fuck y'all at?" Shina asked. "Shina...Shantii she got-" I tried, but my voice broke with each word. I couldn't finish. She gasped on the other side of the line. "She what Jaylon?" she asked, already crying. I was about to reply when the room they were using to operate on Shantii opened.

The doctor walked out with a clipboard. I dropped my phone and ran over. "Is she okay?" I asked, getting in her face. She looked down at her clipboard and then back up at me with pity. "I'm sorry but we tried all that we could, she just wouldn't respond," the lady stared down at the board. My heart fell. "No no no," I screamed and fell to my knees. My whole world.

Gone.

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Shina

I heard a crash, so that must mean Jaylon dropped the phone. I started to panic as I wondered what the fuck happened, how the fuck could he not tell me? Tears filled my eyes as I feared for Shantii's life. I pray whatever they got going on gets settled. Please God just let her come back home in good health.

 Shantii has been my best friend for the fucking longest, since diapers. I can't function without her God, please don't take her away from me. I silently prayed and wiped my tears but no matter how much I wiped, more came. I just pray she's okay. God knows I needed her.

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JAYLON 

The doctor walked out with a clipboard. I dropped my phone and ran over. "Is she okay?" I asked, getting in her face. She looked down at her clipboard and then back up at me with pity. "I'm sorry but we tried all that we could, she just wouldn't respond," the lady stared down at the board. My heart fell. "No no no," I screamed and fell to my knees. My whole world.

Gone.

"She hasn't responded to the medicines or the surgery, as of now Rashantii is in a coma," she finished. I lifted my head and let out a quick thank you to God. I cleared my vision and stood, feeling a little better knowing that she at least had a fighting chance."Coma? For how long?" Diamond asked, wiping her face. "It's hard to tell right now but she's in a deep one. Coma's like these, when the patient isn't even responding is completely unpredictable. It can last for days, weeks, months, maybe even years," she explained.

Years.

 I could barely leave her for an hour. How the fuck was I supposed to last a year. I pulled my hands up to my face and covered my eyes as I started shaking with tears. Quinn tried to comfort me but I didn't wanna hear encouragement. I couldn't live without her. How couldn't they understood I was broken without her? She fixed me. She healed me. I tuned out of the doctor's speech and only heard the words, "she is open for visitation."

I pushed past all of them and raced to her door. I swung it open and ran to her bedside. I looked down at her. She had bandages on her neck from the bullet and another on her arm. They tied her hair from her face and changed her clothes into scrubs. I cupped her face in my hands and broke down. I placed my forehead against hers and allowed my tears to flow freely. "I love you so much," I pressed my lips against hers. I wished I told her that more.

I wiped my eyes and stared down at her. I could see from the corners of her eyes she had tears forming and they slowly slid down her face. I took a step back and stared at her, at this beautiful girl I was so lucky to claim as mines. This beautiful girl who was fighting for her life.

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SHANTII 

I chose him. Over and over, I chose him. This life was too short to second guess anything. He was my answer.

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JAYLON 

I couldn't leave Shantii's side. All night I stayed up with her, the others really didn't want to leave but eventually had to. The nurse said only one person could be in the room with her at night, and they all gave the opportunity up for me. I was grateful. I looked at the clock and it was 6:00 am in the morning. Shantii was already scooted in the corner of the bed. I pulled my Jordans off and slid into the bed besides her. I placed her head on my chest as I rubbed her scalp, just how she liked. I played her favorite song to jam to before she goes to sleep,

 Dej Loaf "Easy Love"

Slowly, I drifted off to unconsciousness with my baby in my arms.

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