You Are Mine (Published Under LIB)

Chapter 44

CELINE'S POV

"I love you." I said between our kiss.

Agad naputol ang halik namin ni Shaun. Natingnan niya ako at kitang-kita sa mukha niya ang pagkagulat.

Alam kong nagulat siya. Expected ko na to. Pero nahihirapan ko na kasing itago ang nararamdaman ko. Yung tipong gustong-gusto ko ng sumabog, gustong-gusto ko ng ipaalam sa kanya yung feelings kung ano yung totoong feelings ko. Wala na akong pakialam kung ano'ng magiging reaksyon niya. Hindi ko na iniisip kung magagalit siya o hindi. Kung ano'ng sasabihin niya pagkatapos kong aminin sa kanya na mahal ko na siya. Na hindi ko nagawa yung kondisyon ko niya noon.

Hindi ko na rin alam kung gaano katagal nakatitig lang sakin ang asawa ko bago kumurap ang mga mata niya, finally.

It's like, he really doesn't want to hear those words. Parang ang tagal-tagal na niyang hindi naririnig yun even though maraming girls ang expressive when it comes to their affection for him.

Well, I just did what patrice told me. And I don't know if it's a good idea at all. Because I might lose him.

But somehow, gumaan na rin naman yung loob ko. Dahil finally, sa tinagal-tagal naming magkasama, nasabi ko na rin ang 3 salitang hindi ko talaga alam kung paano sasabihin.

"Shaun ..." until now, hindi pa rin kasi siya kumikibo.

What ?

Is he overwhelmed ? Or does he start hating me now because of what I said ?

"W-what did you said ?" and now he's asking me.

I looked at him and take a deep breath after.

"I love you. I have loved you, Shaun. And I don't know if you'll gonna hate me because I wasn't able to do what you're first condition was. But I will not definitely say sorry because of that. This is very important thing for me and it really took me quite a long time to confess it to you. Shaun, I know we always have our fights during our childhood. But this time, I want us to start a new and happy relationship. Am I that ambitious ? I know I will never be your ideal girl but I am willing to do everything, for you to love me. Ayokong pilitin ka na mahalin ako. Maghihintay ako ng tamang panahon na sabihin mong, mahal mo na rin ako. Handa kong gawin yun, para sa yo. And I want you to know that I chose to talk to James because of you. Ayoko na kasing isipin mo na, babalik pa ako sa kanya. Gusto kong malaman mo na, tinuldukan ko na kung ano'ng meron kami noon."

Feeling ko, lahat ng dugo ko, nasa mukha ko na ngayon. Ganito pala ang feeling ng nagco-confess sa isang taong hindi ka naman mahal. Ibang-iba to kesa noon kay James. Mas mahirap dahil hindi niya ako mahal. Dahil hindi ko alam kung ano'ng sasabihin niya pagkatapos ng mga narinig niya galing sakin. Mahirap kasi wala akong alam sa feelings niya. Mahirap dahil mas may puwang sakin ang rejection kesa sa acceptance. Bigla akong nalungkot sa naisip ko.

Besides, ayaw niya rin namang magsalita. Nakatingin lang siya sakin.

Napalunok ako.

I think his silence means, rejection, not acceptance with the way he's looking to me right now.

"M-maybe, I should ... go out for a while." I finally said it.

I just can't breathe.

I was about to turn and walk away from him when he grabbed my right arm.

I turned back to face him.

"Say it again, baby. Say that you love me, please ?"

What ?