Homestuck Ficstuck

Stop, Drop, and Roll. Karkat x Reader

 Karkat let out a string of curses as he threw various spices and seasonings on the turkey. He didn't even know why he was doing this, probably because he wanted to please (y/n). She had been cooking and preparing all day that morning for the thanksgiving dinner later on. So, in a desperate attempt to contribute and take a load off of (y/n)'s shoulders, he decided to prepare and bake the thanksgiving turkey with Gamzee since he didn't have anything else to do this day. Literally. At four o clock that morning Karkat and his matesprit (y/n) had been awoken from loud knocking. After walking down the stairs and trying not to fall, Karkat walked to the front door and threw it open revealing a sopor induced Gamzee. He waved and with a few transpire of "fucks" and "bros" he had come in and eventually crashed on the couch, Karkat having went back upstairs with (y/n) none of the less here they were, Gamzee smiling with his usual stoned face and Karkat cursing about how here wasn't any paprika




"Dammit, Gamzee look for the paprika and put a bit on the turkey I've got to go pre-heat the oven."




Gamzee nodded and walked over to the turkey. The tall troll leaned over a bit and looked at the turkey with his usual sopor smile before turning around and searching the cabinets for the paprika. After finding the spice the indigo blood turned around shutting the cabinet door with his head and unscrewing the cap on the paprika. He stared at the bottle for a moment before drizzling it over the turkey. Once done he replaced the paprika and turned to look at Karkat who was still pre-heating the stove. After another series of cursing from the mutant blood, they had the oven heated and the turkey inside, the duo going to go sit on the couch.




Well they were




Until the oven exploded and burst into flame.




The door of the stove was blown off of its hinges, being flung past their heads and out of a nearby window, shattering it. The exceptionally shorter candy red blooded cursing savvy troll ran towards the stove screaming profanities as if it was the only thing he could do.




"Oh hold on karbro! I'll throw some motherfuckin liquid on it."




The thin and tall indigo blood grabbed a foil pie tin and jogged over throwing an entire sopor pie onto the fire.




Only for it to crackle pop and explode again.




"HOLY FUCKING SHIT GAMZEE WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT FUCKING SOPOR ON THE FUCKING STOVE DID YOU FUCKING NOT KNOW FUCKING SOPOR IS FUCKING FLAMMABLE?!?!? SINCE WHEN IS THE HORRIBLE SHIT FUCKING FLAMMABLE?!?!?!?!? OH MY GOG I THINK MY SHIRT IS ON FIRE. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! GAMZEE!!!!!"




The indigo blooded troll, with a sopor stoned face turned and looked at his morial.




"Oh shit karbro when did you catch on fire?"




"GAMZEE GET THE FUCKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER AHHHHHHHH!!!!"




The "hot headed" troll ran around screaming and flailing, his backside and parts of his hair on fire, stopping and rolling on the ground, catching the kitchen rug on fire after his morial had recommended it. His indigo blooded consort however opened a cabinet since the rolling wasn't working and grabbed a fire extinguisher then walked over and started spraying his morial with it much to his morials happiness and utter dismay, as they had made a mess and Karkat's hair and clothes were now singed and burnt. Finally, after a full twenty minutes of Karkat freaking out and Gamzee spraying a fire extinguisher his face unchanging from its stoned sopor look, they had the fire out. Soot smeared all on the floor and the stove, the window behind them shattered, the neighbor's dog probably dead from an oven door, and Karkat's clothes burnt, his hair singed the two stood there staring at the damage they had caused, Gamzee holding the fire extinguisher.




"Oh shit."




"What karbro?"




"I just thought about what (y/n)'s going to say when she sees this"




"Well karbro why don't we call one of those motherfuckin wicked fancy cleanup crews they have on the television box?"




"Which one?"




"The ones with the motherfuckin Russians and the spies and the buses and stuff."




"Fucking what?"




"I think they called it the motherfuckin Priceline negotiator"




"Gamzee?"



"Yeah karbro?"




"That's a fucking travel rates company"




"Oh"




With a sigh the candy red blood walked towards the obliterated oven.




"Well let's get this cleaned up before (y/n) gets-"




Before the troll could continue the front door opened.




"Karkat love why is the window out front- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN."




"Gamzee......"




"Yeah karbro?"




"FUCKING RUN!!!"







Long story short, the two had to clean the kitchen a pissed off (y/n) having to take a trip to home depot.







And they had thanksgiving at Dave's house much to Karkat's utter disdain.






He never knew they had turkeys that looked like smuppets.





That, and he never knew stuffed smuppets could taste so good.