Earned It | KSJ 🔞

Chapter 21: Home

Kim Seokjin's POV

"I'm sorry," she apologized again, trying to wipe her tears away but they still kept on coming. She couldn't even look at me. "I'll try to be better," she said, choking on her words. "I'm sorry."

She was blaming all of what has happened between us to herself when obviously, I was more at fault — at least, I believe so.

I had neglected my wife with the excuse of being busy with the company while also, admittedly grieving our loss. I have seen pass the fact that her grief always was masked by her through putting herself with so much stress just so she could forget the pain until it she accomplishes something, turning that sadness into a fake motivation of striving to be better. It worked. She did achieve a lot of things, yet in the process, she lost me — at least she thought she did.

We misunderstood each other.

I failed to recognize how she was coping with grief, buried into my own. I failed to stay beside her when she needed me.

She thought I wasn't on the same page anymore.

I shook my head to disagree with her, finally able to process her words, and I went to her, kneeling in front of her.

"Love, hey, look at me," I said softly, holding her hands that were trying to cover her face. She didn't try to even meet my gazes, looking down as tears continued to stream down her face, shoulders moving up and down as her breath hitched.

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I should've been clearer with what I meant. I was upset, sure, but that didn't mean I no longer cared about you. I went away from home a lot because I got busy and so were you, and it just so happened that the company was busier due to new projects. You seemed okay when I told you I'd be away. You told me you understood why I was always not at home and out of reach and that's why I thought we were okay. I thought we were still okay and just busy, but I guess I was wrong afterall and I'm sorry, too. It was never my intention to make you feel alone and to make you feel like I was drifting apart from you. I never meant to make you feel like I didn't want you anymore."

I cupped her face, and finally, she looked at me. "Love, you don't know how much I wished all those projects were finished just so I can be home with you again. You don't know how much I wanted to get everything finished and spend more time with you." I sighed and held her hand, keeping one hand still cupped on her face. "I'm sorry for saying those words to you. I was only upset, but I don't blame you for losing our children, okay? And I will never hate you just because you couldn't protect them. I know you tried your best, yeah? And that doesn't make you an awful wife. In fact, it just proves how wonderful of a woman you are and I'll always be proud to call you my wife."

"Are you really?" She asked, red eyes warily looking at me.

I nodded. "So no more divorce, and even mentioning that ever again." I kissed her forehead. "With or without kids, you will always be tied to me, Missus Kim."

I was surprised when she leaned forward and knelt down to my level and hugged me. Then, she began sobbing in my arms uncontrollably.

"I missed you," she said in between sobs, arms tightening around me more.

I couldn't help but shed tears this time, relieved that the mess we both made had finally been fixed. The anxiety of losing her and the longing for this moment hit me with great force, I could almost feel myself collapsing. It was as if all the boulders in my shoulders and chest that I couldn't let go were finally lifted, and my body wanted to rest after the strain.