Obviously, This Is Not Love

17| What happened after

It's too early in the morning pero ginising ako ni Arki at pinagbihis kasi may pupuntahan daw kami. Nakapagpaalam na raw siya kay mommy (isa pa itong mystery sa akin, paano nagkakausap si Arki at ng mommy ko? Paano sila naging close?) kaya okay lang na sumama ako sa kaniya. Naligo muna ako saka nagbihis habang naghihintay si Arki sa labas ng kwarto ko. After that, umalis na kami ni Arki.

Medyo malayo yung binayahe namin. Everytime na tatanungin ko kung saan kami pupunta, sasabihin niya lang sa akin na mag-relax muna ako kasi malalaman ko daw mamaya. Pero nakaka-curious kasi, ang tahi-tahimik niya ngayon. Hindi siya yung Arki na kilala ko ngayon. He used to joke around with me, trying to make me laugh, trying to make things light, trying to distract me. But today, it looks like I'm the one doing it. I occasionally open up topics then make a funny joke out of it, he would laugh but the smile on his face fades out pretty quick. I try to make things light but somehow he's ignoring me, he would look at my way and paint a fake smile on his face but it's really bothering me why he's acting so different today. I'm trying to distract him but nothing fazes him. I don't know, ang bigat sa pakiramdam na makitang ganito si Arki.

Then, he finally pulled over to park his car. Just as when I saw where we are, I know why Arki is being glum.

Tahimik lang akong sumunod sa kaniya until we reached the end of what we came for.

"Hi, Celine..." He beamed a smile as he sat on the grass. May dala-dala ring bulaklak si Arki kaya nilagay niya na rin iyon sa tabi.

In loving memory of:

Celine Freya Lewis

November 23, 2002 - August 27, 2011

A loving daughter and sister

Hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko so I just stood there behind him, sucking all the information in in my head, contemplating how young Celine left this world. Iniimagine ko ngayon kung ano na kaya hitsura ni Celine if she were still alive. Siguro long hair, her father's eyes and nose, her mom's lips and face structure, and her brother's quirkyness. I imagine Arki standing beside her little sister, introducing me as his friend. I imagine being friends with Celine and talk about boys and love (as if meron ako nun). I hope Celine was alive. Things could've been different.

Unfortunately, life works funny that way.

"Si Aris nga pala, yung kinukwento ko sayo?" Arki sat beside Celine. Itinabi pa niya yung mga dahon na nakakalat malapit sa pwesto niya.

I carefully watch Arki as he slowly put his guard down. He used to be the one who makes funny things, says funny jokes, do funny stuff. This time, I'm seeing the different side of Arki, a side which I've seen once - the time we went to Baguio to meet his lola and his parents. Nabanggit niya na rin kasi si Celine noon.

"Uhm, he--hello, Celine." Umupo ako katabi ni Arki.

"It's Celine's death anniversary today. Gusto ko lang ng may kasama kaya sinama kita, sorry." Arki finally talked to me. It's the longest thing he have said to me starting when he woke me up a while ago.

Umiling ako, "No worries. Glad you brought me here with you."

"I've been sitting here every year, alone. Pero ngayon, sinama kita, baka sakaling maiba ang environment." This time, Arki laughed. I can see how he's sensitive right now even though he's trying his best to cover it up. Hindi na niya kailangan magkunwari pa, I know him that much already. Hindi man kami ganun katagal ni Arki magkasama pero sa kaniya ko lang talaga na-feel na parang magkaibigan na kami even before I met Cather.